"i have given up believing i can lose weight. just like i gave up believing I could find love a long time ago. some people just never find love especially when you know you shouldn't settle for less and don't want to anymore. I just don't believe all humans are ment to have love or know what it is. some humans are not ment to know what pretty and slim is. I can't do it all alone without gloria marshal type support and all the shop junk diet shakes are so loaded with shit and sugar they will make you ill. i just think once you hit a certain age you know it in yourself when you can't give or do anymore. i knew that about me over 10 years ago. i gave up looking for love in 2004 or 2005 I felt ugly all the time no matter what I did. and it just got worse it would help if i could wear the pretty feminine clothing I want to express myself the way I want to. but there is a energy force that doesn't want me pretty or loved or feeling good in myself. it doesn't even want me alive but i am inspite through god. a woman knows in herself when her attractability time and childbaring time is over. she knows this internally and everyone wronged me. they are more to blame then I am. people need to learn that i am my own best expert about myself and when people don't jump and move when I tell them they should not bother at all. it when i want it or not at all. everyone wronged me. and I am going to harm them and I want them to suffer in ways they can't imagine for all this suffering.
my parents have a hate people. " Abuse,