feel worthless, i feel like my life is worthless, and the saddest part is...

that i couldn't care less. i hear about death, disease, starvation, the death of someone i know, but i couldn't care less. i've moved over 10 times, but each time i have to switch places and friends i just ignore my previous friends like they don't exist, and they might as well not exist because i don't care about them anymore. All i can do to make this emptiness and disappointment in myself go away is hang out with my friends, play video games, watch TV, read a book, etc. i enjoy myself while i'm doing these things, but when they end and i am left alone, i feel emptiness again, almost as though nothing happened. this is the reason i feel worthlessness. not because i have done something wrong, but because i have done nothing at all. i try to make myself feel like my life has value. i work out, go to class, volunteer, and countless other things, but i still feel like it all means nothing. part of the problem is dreams. i dream of what i want to be, but dreams don't mean anything. dreams are worthless if they can't be fulfilled, and perhaps i expect too much out of myself. perhaps i expect my life to be greater than it really could be at this age (20), but i feel like it should be more than this boredom. i would like to give my life value so i can feel like i am accomplishing something, but i don't know what there is that is worth doing. i look around; i talk to people; i hate them for doing more than me. for being so stupid and doing more than me. but most of all, i hate them for not being like me; for not realizing how little their lives mean. but i guess it's selfish to want people as miserable as me just so i feel less alone. in the end, all i have is misery. all i have are comforts that are momentary. people talk about americans living for instant gratification, but that isn't what i live for. i live for instant amnesia. for moments of happiness that make me forget just how miserable i was and will be once i am alone again.

By Anonymous on General,