"i get that way i don't want to go to dr l because then the receptionists there talk to me, like megan, jen and jeanie are very nice and dr l wife is nice, i like them its just i am sick of people getting too familiar with me. the same with the elderly lady at the bus stop, she is so so nice. but sometimes I just want to be left alone. I think its because you end up being so alone and hated for so long its not comfortable to fit in and have to talk. its like that with rona as well, nice person but i get sick of it. i want some anomininity and not have to talk at all to people. people ignored me for ages so it takes a lot now for me to wonder why are they being nice to me. even the lady up at the shops and the pharmacy lot. i just think "why are you bothering to be nice to me now" like why didn't anyone care ages ago? I guess it is ok to chat and i do like people being nice sure. like the ladies on the bus and the drivers and the people at the halls etc its just sometimes i don't want to have to share everything. i am just a naturally secretive person now. i don't share all with my mum and dad anymore. i keep a lot to myself now. i don't share everything with my doctors or therapists. i just don't know what is wrong with me and why i am feeling like this. its so weird cuz i want friends. "
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