I've messed up my life so far at every turn, screwed over almost every friend I've had unintentionally, and now I am a year out of high school and ridiculously alone. All I have are my choir friends, who I see once a week, and my best friend. I am so sick of being alone, but I hide it by being the first to laugh, and the loudest as well. If I went back to my quiet depressed self, nobody would even bother with me. Like before.