"one night I was taken in hospital by ambulance and I was so ill they had to have the heart monitor on me for ages and a drip and I knew the side effect would be from the drip a brain spin and that happened around 24 hours afterwards. I was complaining to the nurses about the head pain and they wanted me to sleep and I couldn't. a old guy need me was talking to someone and I swear I heard him say "she sounds like she has a tumor or cancer and her body isn't strong enough to fight the infection and illness" I just wanted to cry and waited for ben to come over to see me. I would see ben a lot. I said I was not getting to a doctor over my medication. I didn't want to have the dye for the mri. it is very migraine powering like the shit they put under your tongue if they think you are having a heart attack, its a nitrogen type thing and you will get the worst migraine of your life with it. I loved some of those ambulance men and cops I wish I had met them some other way socially but nope. What I needed most was a hug. I was always afraid of swallowing my tongue and I couldn't swallow. "
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