got gift cards and spent up on them and didn't enjoy it. why do we bother to come home anymore? isn't there more to life?

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This confession was shared anonymously on i4giveu.com

Past resurfaced My hubbie and I have been married for 18 years. I'm 40 he is 39. When we got married we eloped to California. We didn't have much money and the job Jay had lined up out there fell through. In an attempt to make some money I answered an ad for an adult lingerie model. Jay was less than happy, but who would see these pics? They were going to be for a European magazine. (Back then no one knew that all this stuff would end up on the internet.) I went to the interview and they offered me $75 to pose in lingerie, but they would bonus me based on what more I was willing to do. At first I took my top off for an extra $50 and then I did full nude for an extra $100. I left with $125 after the agency took their cut. They invited me back in a week to make a video. They said all I would have to do is a strip tease. They said there would be at least 20 girls on the tape and it was also being sold exclusively in Europe. Jay was totally against it. But we were living in a pay by the week motel. California is really expensive and Jay was barely making any money with day labor and stocking shelves at night. I was making a little more waitressing at a breakfast place. We talked about it and agreed that for the $600, we could move back home. Jay said he wanted to be there when they make the video. I called the agency and said I would do it, but my husband wanted to come. I was told no way, they don't allow any outsiders at the filmings, especially boyfriends and husbands. Jay said, he didn't want me to do it then. We had a huge fight, because after 6 months of being nearly homeless I was at my wits end. But I didn't go. About two more months passed and things got worse. Finally I told Jay that I was going to do what I had to, so that we could get out of this situation. Jay agreed, so I called the agency back again. They told me they had a slightly different opportunity that paid, $1500! After the agency got their cut I would walk away with $900 cash. They invited me in to discuss the 'project'. When I got there I was in a room with another woman and a man, the producer and the camera man. The producer said, this pay $1500 for sex with her and pointed to the woman standing there and and extra $500 if you fuck him too. That's $2000 minus your agency fees. I protested, that I am married. The producer said, "I don't have time for this." "Just go" I said "No, no, I've never been with a woman before, but I'll do it just with her." Satisfied the producer said let's get started. Her name was Elisa and she had obviously done this before. We sat on a couch and made out. It was nothing like sex at all. The producer choreographed each step, telling us what to do next. Before I knew it we were naked and giving each other oral sex. The truth is, it turned me on being filmed. Then the producer directed us to go to the bed in the room and for the man to join in. I started to argue that I did not agree, but the producer cut me off, "If you want to waste my time, just go, you're costing me money." I went over to the bed and finished the making the movie. I had sex with both of them and then another solo sex scene with just just the guy, 'Kirk'. After the agency took their cut, I went home with $1150 to a furious husband that I had to confess to. Maybe I should have lied, but I think what upset him most was that I admitted I orgasmed more than once and it turns me on to know I'm in a movie. It was a point of contention for several years and resulted in a marriage counselor. Fast forward all these years. Jays friend Greg, a perpetual bachelor and player. Shows Jay a video he found on a website (X Hamster sp?). Tells Jay, look at this video, it looks Mille your wife. Of course, possed off, Jay later shows it to me and lays in to me on how he is going to have to lie to his friends forever, about that movie. Jay went on to get angrier and tell me, now that he has seen it, he cant get rid of the image of another man fucking me burned in to his mind. Jay won't let it go, but he also wants to have sex all the time now. I'm not really sure I understand this, but I feel like he is afraid to admit that he actually likes the movie and it turns him on. I fear we will be back at the marriage counselor again.

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