So today, sitting here at my desk I've finally accepted the fact that, even though I would love nothing more than to find a good guy and be in a relationship, and have someone that I love and they love me, I'm most likely going to be alone forever. I'm only 18-nearly 19- and I know I still have a whole life a head of me, but I can't help it.
All the guys I've liked turn out to be complete crazies, gay, or not interested, or married, or just aren't even local. All the guys that show an interest in me are either also crazy/weird/creepy or I'm just not interested in them. Maybe I'm too much of a romantic. Maybe I'm just hoping for Mr. Right to come falling from the sky one day and I know that won't happen.
There isn't a 'Mr. Right', but I'd even settle for a 'Mr. Almost Right'. Just..someone, but I don't want to settle for less than that. That's a good thing, right? Not settling for less. Maybe I'm over thinking it...but it's hard. Everyone around me is with someone, guys I've liked have found other people, or moved away.
Once, this friend of mine (we're not friend anymore thankfully) told me "No offense, but you won't lose your virginity before high school is over" and of course I rolled my eyes because I plan on not putting out or anything like that until I'm married; but it still stung. I'm not the hottest thing out there, I know, but still.
I've learned that I make a better friend that a 'girlfriend' with most every guy I come across and the one guy that really did show an interest in me (and I really did like....still kind of do), I pushed away because of reasons that I don't plan on specifying...and now I found out from a mutual friend that he recently is not a virgin anymore...via another man.
I'm fed up I guess. With love, imagined love, guys in general. Life in general. Maybe reverse psychology will work. Maybe if I stop hoping for it, forget about it, it will come" Love,