By Anonymous on Pride, Love,

"I am envious of people who have a true love memory and experience like good times with someone special. I never have. I have never had sex with a man I love ever. never been kissed by a guy I like ever. never had a sweet innocent romance ever. I can't say remember the night we found real love and we had wanted to get together for ages and finally did. I can't say that. I have no love that felt the same way back ever. I liked guys a lot older then me like the czech tennis player over the road in my teens and the cricket players when I was just 10 I would go watch to the live cricket a lot. at roller skating lessons I liked this guy as well and I was 6 and he was about 17 or 18. I liked guys way too early as a child but i would never tell them. even at college one got my bus another was in my drama class and I got to hold his hand that was about it. I went to the ballet and lots of good looking men there and at university my teachers some were really good looking in law but I was just a loser student. I wasn't pretty enough or rich enough for them. I found out what evil bastards men are even the cute ones can turn on you and go evil sicko, let alone the bad ones who just rape you. I love a few guys were normal who I should have given my virginity to over being raped anyway. they are the ones I still think of and its best I guess we don't meet. last winter I was at the beach and I seen the hottest young guy and another surf young guy was looking at me and I have big boobs but I was not showy or anything but I was thinking "well why are you looking at me like that your so young and completely beautiful all I could have wanted in guy when I was a teenager. I never got to have a teen romance. instead dumb neighbor tried to push me with this old bastard of 38 when I was 16, so nothing much happened there he was so boring. he might have had money but he had nothing else. like the model pilot I went out with a useless heap of crap he was. if he had of dated me when I was a teen or in my early 20s I would have been interested but not when he was hitting 46 and I was just 27. so I stood him up one night cuz he was a complete sleaze bag worse then what becs sister in law said about rick she called him a sleaze bag to me. rick really messed me up and i wish I had met someone better then. everyone else gets to have nice romances and happy endings and I don't and I am sick of it. everytime I am bashed and have to get bashed up and its not worth it. I stopped looking for love over 15 years ago and friends. emma hurt me and other female friends you learn not to let anyone in. "

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