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"I have learnt to sexually satisfy myself due to bashings and threats of attack most of my life. you learn to live without love and affection. I have somewhat of a sex drive but not much interest in sex with anyone. I stopped having an interested in sex young, at the age of 14 I hated the whole idea other then to have a baby. after years of sexual abuse. these women don't understand why I don't want to learn belly dance or burlesque but my child sexual abuser perpetrator would come up to me as a child in my underwear or pjs and touch me up and get lewid when I was dancing to pop songs and I even now find it hard to enjoy dancing sometimes and pop music, apart from the fact that todays music is complete shit but for a few. but after being pawed at all the time at the age of 5 til 15 I really don't feel a need to make a fool of myself doing compromising acts that I don't feel comfortable doing. I just don't like being sexual much at all. and when I did I was after different men that I could never get my hands on, all I could do was look but not touch, not talk to them other then for work or professional need so or they were young guys at college who just didn't even notice me. young guys with rich parents who didn't like girls like me who were more home maker type women. I always wanted to be a career woman. I thought life would be so different when I got into my teens I was less respected and as you age the worse it gets. I just don't understand it. I didn't want a drunken vomitting elipetic man of 70 groping me as a child and teen. something I can't ever forgive that people who must have known, teacher who must have thought something was wrong did absolutely nothing. how many times I didn't react played possum as they say, or play dead to turn completely cold and frozen so not to be seen causing a scene! making a fool of myself asking for help or wanting to demand the dirty men leave me alone. anyway, I sure as hell will not make a fool of myself doing strip and burleque, I don't even know if I would do that bs for any man I loved its just not me. "


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