my love in false!

my love in false!

i hate my father because he doesn’t care about my little brother ( his son ) he’s only 8 years old.
My father gone away i don’t know if he was gone because i wrote him a letter saying that he’s a bad dad and he must go away to be in peace, i don’t know if it’s my fault, i feel so guilty because this sunday will be the father’s day and my little brother will bring a photo of my big brother to the school to say everyone that he’s his father.

forgive me God, i don’t know if it’s my fault, but it’s just my father is so unfair.

Why?！He doesn’t think of me !

Why?！He doesn’t think of me !

well, i want to beat the IELTS examiner. let him or she give me a 7 or more.

I really want to gone back. gone back to that happiness ’s world

I’ve cursed my grandma dead,cos of her behavior,uncleaning,nagging.Now she really had passed away,my heart shrinking,recalling she was really kind to me,but i never cherish the love.I feel ashamed now,never can save it again!

Every single day I have bad thoughts about different things and I start to torment my self!

Douglas, I still hate you even though I haven’t seen you in 6 years. When I was a freshman in high school I finally got the courage to tell a teacher all the pain and humiliation you put me through. You give the name stepfather a bad reputation. Aside from abusing my mother he degraded, humiliated and abused me from the time I was 8 until 13 years old. He was extremely strick and abusive right away. I saw him smack my mother many times and he would spank me for the slightest infraction. I wasn’t quite aware of what he was doing when I was 8 or 9. He always spanked me naked and in younger years right in front of my mother. As I got older he would take me into the shed for my spankings and force me to undress in front of him. I was forced to bend over his workbench and he would spank me with his bare hand, belt and sometimes a long thin stick. The older I got the longer it took. As I undressed I was force to hand him each peice of clothing. He would fold it and put it on a chair. The worst part was when I had to remove my bra and panties for most of the time he would sit in front of me and scold me as he looked at my body. The tears would be in my eyes long before I was naked and the humiliation alone was excruciating. I don’t know for sure if my mother understood what he was doing to me but think she was to afraid of him to put a stop to it. By the time he would finish my rear would sometimes have welts and bruises for several days. In school I was to embarrased to undress in front of the other girls and never told anyone what he was dong to me. He would often make me lay over the bench or bend over in humiliating positions when he spanked me and sometimes I just wanted to die. On a Saturday night when I was a freshman in high school he was in a very bad mood and angry at both me and my mother. I remember back talking to him but don’t remember what I actually said. He was furious and smacked my mother a few times and she ran up to her room. He then turned to me and told me to go in the shed. When I refused he smacked my face which he had never done before. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to shed and told me to take off my clothes. I was terrified and when I hesitated he smacked me again and forced me to strip. I stood in front of him naked as he scolded me for taling back to him then experienced the most painful spanking I ever had. He forced me over the bench and started with his hand but soon picked up the stick. From the top of my buttocks to the back of my knees were beaten. At one point he had my legs spread so much apart I could feel the stick hitting my anus and vagina. When it was finally over I actually laid on the floor for awhile and was hardley able to stand up. I was in so much pain I hardley slept the entire night. The next day he went away and I didn’t see him again until Monday morning before school. I was still hurting and he never said a word to me or my mother. I was afaid to tell her how bad he beat me. School that day was horrible and a few times I went to the bathroom just to cry. My seventh period class was history and I think I was in panic thinking of going home. Towards the end of the class I just started to cry in front of everyone and my teacher Mrs. R. took me into the teachers lounge. She was hugging me as I cried and kept asking what was wrong. After much coaching I told her about Douglas and what he did to me. I ended up telling her everything even all the past times and what he would do to me. The cheek on my face was only slightly bruised and Mrs. R. eventually got me to pull down my pants to show her my rear and legs. That was the end of it especially for Douglas. She called my mother and told her to come to the school. The next thing I knew I was in the hospital getting examined and the police were called. Douglas went to jail that day and my mother finally woke up and we moved out. I will never forgive him still can’t understand how my mother let it continue all those years. I recently heard he was deathy sick and just hope it is true.