So I dated this girl for about a year and she is wonderful and for some reason she thought I was wonderful as well. We were in love. I had never been in love before, so it was awesome and excellent and different.

And for at least a portion of our time together, I’d like to think I was as well. But at about nine months in I decided that I didn’t want to hang out with like every night and just wanted to sit at home and watch my friends play video games. It was an alright time. I got off work at 3:30 and she got off work at 6:00 and she would call me after working out at like 7:30 and want to hang out and I would tell that I wanted to go to sleep early because I had to be at work at 8:30 in the morning. So basically my reason for not wanting to hang out with her every night was because I didn’t have time, which I did have and chose to spend it doing other things. This went on for a little while with me actually being excited about not having to hang out with her for various reasons.

And I tried to break up with her about 11 months in and I told her I needed space and there was a week that went by where she would call and I would be short with her on the phone. But eventually after this week ended I realized I really adored this girl and wanted to marry her and be with her forever so I told her that I adored her and everything was okay. She didn’t hesitate a lot to take me back.

About a month later the same thing happened on her brother’s birthday and I had been thinking too much about not wanting to have my “own time” and basically dipped out on everything I was a part of in my life. I quit helping at my church and going to my small group and I quit being her boyfriend and I was short about it. Her feelings didn’t change and she would still call me daily, which would annoy me more than anything, and then call after I tried to abruptly end the call. And I just wasn’t letting up and eventually I saw her at a show about a week after I broke up with her. She wanted to see me and wanted me to take her back. She asked me if I still loved her and I said I didn’t have anything for her. I tried to call her a couple weeks later when I wanted to talk to her, but she didn’t answer and I left a message.

So a couple of weeks went by of me living out my dream of watching television shows and drinking beer on my couch after work. I guess it was what I always wanted. Her and I were supposed to go on this ski trip with a lot of friends, but I decided to not go so she could have a good time. This was roughly five weeks after I broke up with that this took place.

I was drinking some vodka with my friend and getting obliterated on my birthday. It was pretty cool and we played this game in my basement and were throwing this sock full of chalk that we use to work out with at each other. I hate getting hit with it and chalk was all over me. So I did this running start and jumped across the garage to throw the sock at him and ended up just hitting my head into the railing that the garage doors roll upon. So my head was bleeding and the game was over. I went upstairs and I had this urge to call her so I did and she answered. She was on the ski trip with all of our shared friends and she was having a good time. She wished me happy birthday and we had a nice conversation and I told her I’d call her when she got back.

At the point that I hit my head and acquired a scar similar to that of Harry Potter on my forehead, I realized the errors of my ways and how I mistreated her. I bought her flowers and called her and wrote her a song and basically gave her far too much attention for a couple of weeks there. I thought it would be easy and she would take me back.

I hang out with her pretty much every day, but there is this other guy who “hasn’t done anything wrong” but she refuses to just see one of us. I feel terrible about him being around and how I missed things up and I’ve apologized a million times to her and I believe she really have forgiven me.

The problem lies in that this has been going on for about five months now with no end in sight either way. I wish she would forgive me and take me back or forgive me and let me go, but she keeps me in this odd place where she wants to know who I’m with and what I’m doing but keeps things from me. I love her with my life.