IT IS WHAT I WANT IT TO BE I quit my job today I had a...

good job the truth is I wasn't happy I felt like I was over working myself in the hot sun doing too much everyone knows I'm a hard worker and I've proven it but it got to me how they wouldn't raise my rate up or move my position up. I was surrounded by a bunch of hate at work from bad vibes tons of people would try to bring me down out of everyone only 2 decided to help. Me and My gf just got our apartment. I'm going to school for survey engineering then civil engineering on the run. Lately I've felt like my depression and anxiety just grab a hold of me and get the best of me somehow and bring me down little by little I begin to loose myself and the person I am nobody understands that in reality I'm not happy when I could be doing what I love the most I'm an artist and everyone says I have talent I've had dreams where everything comes real back then I was scared to go for my dream now I don't see it a dream I see it a reality and something tells me To go chase it go after it I'm not scared shitless I'm calm as if things were to turn out alright. I wasn't happy at work my anger and frustration would burst there were plenty of times when my family picked up my emotions and all h*** would brake loose numerous number of times where I've been close to putting my hands on my gf all because of my anxiety and narcissistic ways. When people look at me they say they see me happy with my job my life together when in reality some say I need help because I let my anxiety levels eat me 'm sorry I was in love with you, I still love you. I know I cheated on you years ago, I was lik 15 or 16. I'm older now and I know what I did wrong. I grew up. I really am sorry. you stayed with me after that, I don't know why you changed. I'm a good person. And I haven't lied to you since. I was young and stupid, can't you see that? I'm a different and better person now. I still love you, you don't know how much I need you. I don't wanna live without you. don't get me wrong I'm not going to sit around and be lazy when I have bills to pay I'm already on the look out I used to think the world would eat me up alive at night my depression My friend broke up with the father of her child a few months ago but I stayed really good mates with him. I met up with him yesterday and took some photos of the baby around so he could see them. We spend near enough the whole day together and around eleven we were lying on the bed watching TV. I turned around to face him and he kissed me, which let's face it, surprised the f*** out of me. We didn't have s** but we did make out quite a bit and I did j*** him off for a little while. But we agreed it was just something that had happened and if it happened again then so be it. It's not like they're together any more but I still feel sort of guilty about the whole thing. But if we're on our own again it'll most likely happen again and I probably won't stop it next time. would choke me alive. My gf gets startled when I have huge panic attacks these past few weeks I've had them non stop it's difficult when at the end of the day the only Advice you get is the one that you don't want to hear and the only advice you see from yourself is just one that is real and you understand . No matter how many times you explain why your in pain there's not a reason , how Many times every tear fall or what's wrong there's nothing inside its just fear of nothing a fear of feeling fearful inside a fear of failing and a fear of not being ever understood the walls close on me sometimes but now all I have is a pocket and a dream here I come...I love sharing off and Jerking off to my Facebook friends There's nothing I love more than sharing some of my Facebook friends with other guys online and stroking ourselves to them ;)

By Anonymous on General,