"this is the first have ever done anything like this. and i decided to see if i could get some sort of advice/help anonymously. i guess i'll start off by telling you all about myself. i am currently a freshman in high school who lives in a big city ( i'd rather not disclose where i live exactly; people can be creepy). anyways, i feel alone. all the time. i have great friends and they're supportive and everything they're supposed to be, but, i still feel alone. i cannot be completely honest with them. i can never share how i really feel because i know that i will just receive "it's okay" or "it will get better" or "i am here for you". to be frank, i am sick of that. i don't want pity. i just want to feel better. so, i am alone. i am quite the independent person at home. right when i get home from school, i go straight to my room and will not get out until the next morning. i love my parents but i can't tell them anything either. well, i do tell my mom "everything": about school and crushes and all that. my sister too. but i never share my deep personal problems. i am here to do that now.
number 1: i see beauty in everything. i believe that every single person on this earth is beautiful in some shape or form. you're probably thinking why this is a bad thing. here's why: i can see beauty in everything, except myself. i feel like that's important,actually, i know it's important. i wouldn't even be here if i loved myself for who i am. i just cannot love myself. i see millions of flaws and cannot see a single thing that resembles a sliver of beauty. i hate it. i hate myself. i wish i were like other girls. number 2: i compare myself to other people too often, which gives into number 1. you should see some of the girls at my school; absolutely flawless. beautiful teeth, perfect skin, tall, skinny, short, curvy, short hair, long hair, blonde, brunette, red-headed, freckles, no freckles, smart, funny, nice. see what i did there: described all types of people. remember, i think everyone is beautiful. but really, there are some flawless girls at my school, and i can only dream to be somewhat like them. that's awful, why do i have to be so jealous of people? i hate how i look: i hate my fat arms, my body is not where i want it to be, my nose is disgusting, my lips are nonexistent, my face is full of acne… the list goes on. i just want to feel beautiful. number 3: i really want people to like me, as a friend and more. i find myself so annoying and snobby and conceited. i feel as if i am not likable whatsoever. i really try to remain humble and kindhearted but i feel like people see me otherwise. number 4: the people at my school care so much about popularity, it is really a joke. but then, from time and time again, i wish i was more popular. people want to be well-known. I don't want that; i want more friends. i do not want to rely on the same people forever.
there's so much more that i currently dislike about my life right now but i really need to do my homework. (by the way, i am quite the nerd and i love to learn). i would appreciate some words of advice if anyone is willing to give any. and let me know if you would like to read more; i don't know, maybe she people enjoy reading this, they don't feel alone.