I and my husband have an open relationship, meaning we can date others.
This post is not about begging for a response, I just need to rant; so if you have some criticism of how I live my life, post it in a separate rant, not the comments, please. But if you've been in a similar situation and have some advice to give, it would be greatly appreciated! That being said…
5 years ago, my friends (a couple) introduced me to their friend. We immediately hit it off. He tried offering me his number a bunch of times, but I didn't have a phone, so I didn't take it, but he assured me he would text back if I messaged him from our mutual friend's phone. Realizing he can't just offer someone else's phone, he told our mutual friend to LET ME TALK TO HIM IF I WANTED TO…WHENEVER! And he shook him while saying so. Lots of other things transpired, but I am beautifully oblivious to the advances of others. I actually thought I annoyed him! At any rate, we didn't get together. I was in a bad place and I needed someone to believe in me. My friends, as a couple, told me they wanted to date me. He was shocked when I told him, but didn't give up. He continued his advances-a little harder, perhaps.
Things went well for a time in our threesome, but we weren't all honest about our feelings and it inevitably fell apart. I left with the male of the couple and moved back into my parents' house. Two weeks later, my parent died and I got pregnant two months after that. We've been together (and relatively happy) ever since.
Happily ever after? Not exactly. The guy I originally liked didn't go away. In fact, he never seemed to give up. At first, he would ignore any mention of my husband and change the subject. When he couldn't avoid it any longer, he became bitter and rude. But we were still best friends, as I can't shake his hold on my heart. We would get drunk and hold hands and stare at each others' faces and ignore everyone around us, sometimes for hours. Then we would walk all night and talk about every little thing. We got into a slap fight (that I WON) and he would lock us in his room for a few minutes and do strange things like push me in the closet and stand at the door or lay me on the bed, turn the light off, and lay next to me (I was so drunk as to not really be aware of what was happening). And he would be bitter when we left the room.
This may sound strange, but if he whispers my name from 100 yards away, I can hear it. It's happened at least three times.
I have a hundred stories like that (and we retell them all the time), but he's never made an official MOVE. He's never kissed me. Not after following me to bed and laying his arms over me. Not after pulling me to face him on a walk and caressing my face in the light of a streetlamp. Not after putting his face on mine and helping me fight the alcohol poisoning. Never. But there was always a MOMENT where it seemed he was going to, but didn't.
My problem is this: now he has a girlfriend…and she couldn't be more like me if she tried (which she does). When she first met me, all was fine until her boyfriend and I started drinking. Then we fell into our usual pattern of being close and talking about our past, while He told her to go get him drinks and otherwise ignored her. (For comparison, he's never had me get him a drink, he always gets mine for me. Or gives me his and gets himself another.) But, as I said, we are shockingly alike. We have the same birthday, her middle name is my name (which is what he calls her), we have the same amount of cats and interest in kids (which are my two main traits), we like the same fandoms and the same kind of music. We have the same mannerisms and temperament. We even know the same amount of a foreign language! Her hair was almost the same color as mine and, immediately upon leaving my house, she dyed it to be the same. As I've stated, he doesn't treat her well. He must know being around her digs at me. (WHY date someone like me?! Why not just date me?!) But now he talks to me all day, every day and constantly wants me to hang out with them. But it makes me uncomfortable, so I decline. My question is, what the hell is he doing? Is he trying to make me jealous…of someone who is essentially myself? Is he trying to make me see myself in her shoes, because I've been doing that for years. He has to know I love him madly and he pulls at every heartstring I have, but now he's replacing me? I just feel so pointless. If there's others like me, WHY keep me around? Just let me wallow in self-pity by my lonesome. Don't torment me."