"Sometimes I hate myself. I hate how I can't function like normal people sometimes because I'm mildly autistic. I hate that I screw things up and people say it's no big deal when it feels like it to me. I hate myself because I feel like I'm failing to meet expectations of those close to me. I hate myself when I don't know how to react sometimes when one of my friends are hurt. I hate myself because sometimes I feel like I don't have any emotions or I simply don't care when I should. And sometimes I hate myself for thinking suicidal thoughts when I have a great family and amazing friends. And sometimes they are the only thing keeping me going. i know i killed her to have him. so what? women do this.