"I have to confess that it has been many years in my heart that I have shaken the hands of a young monk and hugged him which is strictly forbidden and sticked to him emotionally. And what I did made him away from his cultivation life and made him no longer a monk and even made him psychologicall ill or mad for quite a long time. And i am so sorry sorry sorry and i donot know to whom i can tell it . He might have become a Buddha and brought happiness and liberation to many people.and many people may be enlightened by him but i destroyed the whole story because of my lust ,loneliness and selfishness. I have tosay I'm so sorry to my friend. I'm so sorry to you .i have feelings for you and I want you to be happy. "