I don’t know what to write about, I guess I could write about how I...

want to kill myself but that’s very cliché. Not that it’s a lie though, I don’t know why I want to kill myself, I guess I just do, I feel like nothing else is left for me, I’m only 13 but like everything is terrible, I just want it all to end. If I don’t kill myself soon, I’m going to end up a drug addict living under a bridge or worse, having a bland ass job and living alone on minimum wage doing nothing with my life until I die a boring death. I’ll take heroine over living a bland life. I don’t want to live a forgetful life. I want to be remembered, but then again if I kill myself, I won’t be. I’ll just be another statistic, another dramatic teen who killed themselves because life was “too much” for them. They weren’t lying though. I really can’t deal with this shit. Like I know I sound fucking annoying like, “omg make the pain stop” but really, I can’t do this. Why am I on earth, why do I have to live, I’m not going to make anything great, I’m going to do nothing with my life and go down as another failure. I want to write but have no talent. Being an actor requires not being terrible, I have the dreams of literally every other person on earth. I don’t want to be another number in the suicide prevention websites but what else can I do, my mom is a cunt, my dad is an asshole, my family are all homophobic asses, and I’m an annoying ass depressed edgy fucking bitch that can’t do anything with her fucking life. My only friend is insane, I can’t make any more friends, because I’m fat and ugly and not interesting and suicidal and can’t not talk about my depression because it’s the only “interesting thing about me” but it’s not, I feel like I’m faking everything. I hate myself. My parents hate me. I’m going to fail the eight grade because instead of doing homework I was cutting myself, or crying or screaming into a pillow, or fighting with my parents, or writing suicide notes. I’m wasting my years and I wasted this last year because I was depressed, I dropped out of school to take up online school when that shit’s harder than anything. I’m going to have to be the fucking 5’11 eight grader that’s supposed to be in ninth grade. My parents wish they would have had a better daughter. I hate myself. I can’t do anything right, I can’t even cut myself, I don’t have any glass or blades. My mom is an vapid cunt who loves me so much and the only thing I can tell her is to shut the fuck up and leave me alone and my dad loves me so much too and they’re trying to help me but I hate them both, I hate everyone but I really don’t hate them or anyone else, I just hate myself, I just want everything to stop. I’m crying now because I’m a fucking 3-year-old. My mom just told my aunt what an failure I was and that I was failing all my classes and they both made me feel like shit, my friend isn’t responding my messages, I don’t have anywhere else to go, my cat loves my mom more than me, I have no fucking real problems but I still complain and say I want to kill myself. Why do I want to kill myself, if I have no problems I just want to stop feeling like I should be stabbing myself all the time I just want to feel ok again I don’t want to be happy I just don’t want to feel like I should be shoving an fucking gun in my mouth all the time I can’t do this anymore I’m such an fucking disappointment. I can’t do this shit anymore; my aunt hates me now. I hate myself. I’ve written 692 words on how much I hate myself, what the fuck’s wrong with me. I can’t kill myself, I’m too fucking weak, I don’t want anyone else giving me the suicide hotline’s number or telling me I shouldn’t do it because I already fucking know I shouldn’t I already have the number I’m already in therapy I’m already on medication, I just need to kill myself but I don’t want to kill myself but I want to die. I just want God to strike me dead if he’s even real, probably not but I just want to get fucking cancer or something I don’t know I just want to die.

By Anonymous on General,