At risk for eating disorder I am 5 ft 6, 21 years old, 140 lbs and I am at a high risk at developing an eating disorder. I'm technically in a healthy weight range, but I obsess about losing 10 lbs. I don't want an eating disorder but I don't know how to stop it. I feel like Jackal and Hyde--I fight against my negative body image and try to tell myself that I'm fine the way I am, but my Jackal monster is defeating me and making me hate mt appearance. I worry about guys finding me attractive, or rather not finding me attractive. I think the root of the issue is that I'm a 21 year old virgin. My ex-boyfriend and I were intimate and almost had sex, but he broke up with me the day after we discussed it. Maybe if I'm thin and beautiful, somebody will love me? I recognize how stupid and shallow that sounds, but it's a slippery slope that I can't get off.

At risk for eating disorder I am 5 ft 6, 21 years old, 140 lbs and I am at a high risk at developing an eating disorder. I'm technically in a healthy weight range, but I obsess about losing 10 lbs. I don't want an eating disorder but I don't know how to stop it. I feel like Jackal and Hyde--I fight against my negative body image and try to tell myself that I'm fine the way I am, but my Jackal monster is defeating me and making me hate mt appearance. I worry about guys finding me attractive, or rather not finding me attractive. I think the root of the issue is that I'm a 21 year old virgin. My ex-boyfriend and I were intimate and almost had sex, but he broke up with me the day after we discussed it. Maybe if I'm thin and beautiful, somebody will love me? I recognize how stupid and shallow that sounds, but it's a slippery slope that I can't get off.
20

Next post in 20s

Will redirect automatically

This confession was shared anonymously on i4giveu.com

More from 'Lie' category

Do people remember? My reunion is coming up and i want to go kind of but am worried people will still remember embarrassing things about me so not sure to go. When i was a senior around 18 i had an incedent when i stayed out with the car and brought people home with me when i shouldnt have and my Dad disciplined and scolded me in front of them and then talked to them about me when he left me home and drove them home himself. A month later i got caught shoplifting and i was grounded for 2 months. My parents would pay a neighbor guy in my class be our babysitter sometimes (he was much more mature, good student and athlete, and not someone who would hang out with a geek/virgin like me), this happened even when i was in highschool if i was grounded. He babysat a few times including two overnights when my parents were gone. He was mostly ok but my Dad left him in charge of all my activity, and he knew all my rules and could enforce them which only came up a few times but was extremely embarrassing to have someone in my own class with rights of a adult/parent over me. Alot of people found out my sister and he would talk about it, people made comments sometimes to me. My familys attitude was i deserved the humiliation and it wouldnt have happend if i didnt get in trouble and i was lucky to only get that. I've never gotten in trouble again but also have been very shy and not successful.I haven't heard anyone outside my family talk about it since around the year when it happened but dont really talk to anyone from back then much. When i see people around town or on sociall media i am afraid that they will still remember. it was 15 years ago.

Do people remember? My reunion is coming up and i want to go kind of but am worried people will sti...