wang said "don't worry about your illness, it will get better" being the expert on everything that he is- ?? - I said sure well I think I will find another doctor then, thankfully not all asians have your attitude. don't worry about having a clean house. don't worry about all the stuff like clothes and junk you buy piling up all around you so much you can't move in the house. I leave the house to avoid looking at the junk. all I need is a roof somewhere far away from the cold night air- oh wouldn't it be lovely! to have a nice clean house and a husband and someone to care about me, and give me a lot of me and love time! break even time, holiday time, over time pay packet, social time, I can't wait to meet so many people I am so sad and lonely, I want to meet so many people and shake their hand and I went to aged homes and held crying old mens hands and went away sad at night alone crying for them, and the disability people. fuck me life is a bucket of shit. when I am sick I can only really think of myself. my needs for once- my surviving cancer and desperate to have a baby- can men sense my desperateness to be free of a nutter like ken and find a husband and go on some cruises and holidays and meet fun new people. I want to meet lots of people and be liked. would that offend anyone? I want sex and love. I want a man to protect me and love me. I want a clean house and all my clothes and shoes and hats and bags and things in order, I want a big kitchen -I am sick of a pokey little peebox of a kitchen. I want a big garden and space to have fun outside without neighbors gwarking.

I refuse to watch tv, I just decided, no job- no fun! full stop to life! no tv. no car etc. I only rarely watch the news or current affairs compared to years ago, I can't stand b&b soap and can't understand how my father can watch that rubbish and those whores. they are all whores even the men. I rarely watch science shows I used to love and tv is crap. I just don't have time anyway. I don't go to the cinema much and I most study or just be with my cats, go out to exhibits and shows, do my floral stuff and gardening a bit and I have lost interest in just about everything even study sometimes. I can't stand most new music and don't understand the bands and can't tolerate the old ones at all. I used to like the high teas but it lost interest after it was changed and emma went weird. everyone I had mixed with outside my family all went weird nasty vendictive selfish bitter cruel snotty backstabbing so I did a bit of it myself seeing my therapist said to so I just started dumping on a lot of people who were not living up to my standards of what I would call a "friend". I have become extreme about this mind set now, of what sort of person you have to be to be around me. I don't feel I owe anyone a thing. I am learning to be as bitter backstabbing and that wanker of a doctor bullying me acting stupid has really pissed off my mother and father and me and my sister and we just don't tolerate that shit from people anymore. same with these weirdo churches tony and margie are a pair of absolute cowards I told them have no backbone to even faceup and call they run away from confrontation and debate and like the whore on the phone last night I called her and out and out liar I knew she was lying from day one and then the way she fobbed me off she can't bare to be challenged and I knew she would cowardly drop because she is a liar. I could tell by so many things and I dobbed them as well as all the others. I will go anyone confrontation and fight and yell anyone down now, mum is the same way. I am not afraid to literally ignore kids but I did stop the baby from ending up in the road and calling out to the father, but I just don't want to be friends and I am not afraid to be rude to people and tell them off and what i think of them now. even the queen or anyone. I can't understand a queen that goes for pop music non-sense and these apes of people. so much scum around today. I told tony is he a coward. I wish he would ring so I could out and out have a argument with the useless idiot just to let out my anger and their pathetic turn out they hav there is a shocking disgrace of a druggy ego maniac farm, they are all nutters and cowards. can't even fight, and he really thinks women want him or his old bag, no way! they are full on warlock guahl.

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