My Husband kids family joke - At the ripe old age of 36. I find...

myself sinking deeper and deeper into this deep dark hole that is my life. After being married for 12 years. And raising 2 kids. I don't know who I am. I find myself unable to function without being told where to go or how to get there. And my children they are good kids but they abuse my love as does my husband. They all take me for granted. I do and do and do for all 3 of them and in return I get nothing. Years have gone by and I've never received a mother's day card or an anniversary card or present or birthday card. Now I don't expect much from my 2 kids because they are now 11 and 6. But it's really hard for me to see over the years all my so called friends on Facebook bragging in detailed pictures about what they've gotten from they're kids or husband for some special occasion. Year after year I've gotten nothing. And it's not that I need to be showered with gifts. I just want them to appreciate me. My home is literally falling apart. And I'm not exaggerating when I say falling apart. About a year ago I had a Restoration company come look at my home because of a sewage smell that wouldn't go away and they found mold and that the main support beam had slid almost a foot from where it needed to be. The flooring in my home is so bowed that the floor and walls have separated and there is now a huge gap between them. Being the fact we rent from my husbands family. They just blow us off. So nothing will ever be done about it. My husband would much rather spend money on his ridiculous get rich quick jobs anyway. My home is always a wreck. Dishwasher stopped working the dryer only works some times. And the harder I try to clean up after everyone the deeper I sink into this depression because I realize how much no one give a damn about anyone but themselves. My children leave messes everywhere. I ask and beg and scream for them to clean it up and they will. But then turn around and just do it all over again. And as for they're father he does the same thing. But instead of him picking anything up he makes our kids clean his messes up. I have tried to talk to my mother about this but she has her own life in constantly tells me " I don't want to get involved". One time I tried to get her to let me and the kids stay with her over the summer and I even had a job lined up down there. I offered to pay rent for us staying there. But she said….. well she avoided answering me. So I knew she didn't want me to. I have know one to help me. I have know one to make me feel any better about this situation. My husband would rather play with his chickens and run off to auctions than take the time to throw a baseball with his son. I had to hire a high school kid to help him with his swing and throwing. My heart is breaking into a million pieces. I have no real friends. Hell I don't even have any fake ones I work my ass off come home to a dirty broken down house. There isn't any romance in my marriage. We never go anywhere it's the same old shit. What do I do? How do I break this cycle? I need this to stop. I'm so depressed I'm tired of being sad. This isn't life. This isn't living.

By Anonymous on General,