yeh friday was such a sht day right, I was screaming at the cat and everyone my father near had a heart attack at my scream high pitched "shut up" or "die die die" or "fuck off fuck off FUck off" and I get so agro around my period, if you think its hard for you how much harder do you think it is for me living in this pain? my cancer specialist said that the vaginal skin can take up to a year to heal its been hell but not near as hell as my ear and head, and over exposure to xrays on my brain. most days I just worry about getting through the day if I will live it out to be honest, and avoid issues with my brain or heart because it terrifies me to the point I drove doctors mad, I know that. no amount of tests would make me believe nothing was wrong ever since my friend died it impacted me so deeply for some reason I can't explain. she was a middle aged woman with kids and young husband I sometimes wish she had not have put it all on me, its like the suicide stuff and cancer and then just become obessed to want to avoid it, you avoid life to avoid death, and that sounds stupid. I know I have a slight form of pyschosis, but I won't tell my psychiatrist that >LOL, he can work it out for himself he has more knowledge on the brain and body then me. so I just get into volitile and irritable moods and server depression moments and I put on a fake jolly act as well for my parents, and I learnt to bounce around hospital beds during heart problems to get the dam hell out of their and then I would want to go back. sometimes I just want to feel safe and loved. all I get is fucking women hugging me and its annoying. I want a mans attentions and affections. like it just upsets me that people can't see that I have feelings. when I was not sleeping for about 5 weeks straight I just knew I needed that doctors help. we all have breaking points and I was so scared I was going to die and even he said that to me afterwards. I just want to move on and find the love I have missed out on. the longer I wait the more volitile I become. the screaming and fear of will I die, will I make it through the day, avoid this symptom or that. cope for everyone or you will look a coward and weak and as a woman is any woman allowed to be those things unless your pretty? no !

yeh friday was such a sht day right, I was screaming at the cat and everyone my father near had a heart attack at my scream high pitched "shut up" or "die die die" or "fuck off fuck off FUck off" and I get so agro around my period, if you think its hard for you how much harder do you think it is for me living in this pain? my cancer specialist said that the vaginal skin can take up to a year to heal its been hell but not near as hell as my ear and head, and over exposure to xrays on my brain. most days I just worry about getting through the day if I will live it out to be honest, and avoid issues with my brain or heart because it terrifies me to the point I drove doctors mad, I know that. no amount of tests would make me believe nothing was wrong ever since my friend died it impacted me so deeply for some reason I can't explain. she was a middle aged woman with kids and young husband I sometimes wish she had not have put it all on me, its like the suicide stuff and cancer and then just become obessed to want to avoid it, you avoid life to avoid death, and that sounds stupid. I know I have a slight form of pyschosis, but I won't tell my psychiatrist that >LOL, he can work it out for himself he has more knowledge on the brain and body then me. so I just get into volitile and irritable moods and server depression moments and I put on a fake jolly act as well for my parents, and I learnt to bounce around hospital beds during heart problems to get the dam hell out of their and then I would want to go back. sometimes I just want to feel safe and loved. all I get is fucking women hugging me and its annoying. I want a mans attentions and affections. like it just upsets me that people can't see that I have feelings. when I was not sleeping for about 5 weeks straight I just knew I needed that doctors help. we all have breaking points and I was so scared I was going to die and even he said that to me afterwards. I just want to move on and find the love I have missed out on. the longer I wait the more volitile I become. the screaming and fear of will I die, will I make it through the day, avoid this symptom or that. cope for everyone or you will look a coward and weak and as a woman is any woman allowed to be those things unless your pretty? no !
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my sister hates these milkfish her filipinos make up. all that cookie n gonzo and orlardo does is insult our white english european heritage , they said things like "we laugh at cathy's perfumes, she is fat and ugly," said "all asians know white people breathe stink and they don't take mouth or general hygiene seriously, all filipino's know white women will fuck easy , baggy clothing is the sign of mental illness in the filipino culture, filipinos look down on anyone admitting to being a victim of child abuse or rape or having depression or other mental illnesses, or taking medications of any kind" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep0ee-rPbCg ! I mean when do the insults stop! they abuse my family all the time and want our money all the time and steal men and don't want to see me with a white husband just because I am white? ! They attack and threaten to attack physically our family. they shouldn't care if I want to be with a white doctor or lawyer or accountant or whatever, its non of their business. just because my sister is devoted to her filipino husband doesn't mean I have to be around them. I owe them nothing, they done nothing to help me. my argument is that passports today are seen as golden standard for id and then if that is the case why don't they issue everyone with one, cuz these foreigners come out here expect to be treated like royalty as soon as they hit the place and don't want to do their due diligence or pay their dues to the people that made this place. They have more rights with the passports id then we do, that shows you how rich they are if they can afford a passport and get here. we can't afford a passport and go there, but would we want to more to the point in their culture. they are all ripping us australians on. australians are so stupid letting too many of the blacks and asians in and now no middle class it is all just all rich or all poor no inbetween. this is where the govt went wrong! they don't like being told their wrong our govt. but they are. they are all spastic stupid old farts in australian govt. i would spit on them I swear they are so rude to white Australians who were born here. we are the ones being discriminated against. like in america they say "when you talk about anti-racist what you are really saying is anti-white and we won't stand for it"! my parents bought me up to respect all cultures and religions and so on but there comes a point when you see so many unemployed suffering white people with no homes or husbands and no jobs and no dates to go out, no friends. no one to care or love them. we don't have to suffer for asians ! its not our problem its their own countries problem to sort out and all they do is rip off the families out here for money and they try to enslave whites to their ways when they get here. already my parents have talks with their professional advisors to place actions against that orlardo etc trying to kill me and my cats and take the house from us. they won't stand for it dead or alive. these filipinos are trying to take the pride and love and health from our family and my parents hate them. my sister loves them but its her problem she has bashed so many of her husbands so we don't come into it. we don't want to know.

my sister hates these milkfish her filipinos make up. all that cookie n gonzo and orlardo does is in...