the order of the holy mary or some dam thing all these different factions in the catholic church but once those churches upset me I went straight to a priest who had been in rome and I was cranky over a lot of things but I just told him I was trying to deal with all my shit people had dumped on me. that is much the same at the convent and monastry, I don't feel I have to keep proving to them my faith but it ticks me off that they just have a rather blip like attitude. I was never sexually abused by preists or nuns my preditor was in the home and what I was taught to strive for which seemed to be self-denial of everything even life and joyce was was helping me or listening the whole time I paid her she never took a thing I said seriously enough. I can't believe I was reflecting that other then I never believed in my heart that any one cared about me or loved me much. I was picking up messges from people but peolple failed to help me at the right time as a teen when I needed the help. which has been my argument today and its just ticked me off that I always had to prove this faith or worthiness but could never find it for work or marriage or to have a baby and so many people just never understood the real me.
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