Escape Myself I like the idea of being raped or kidnapped....maybe because I crave attention? I don't feel like anyone ever pays attetion. All I do is sit on this computer wishing I had someone to talk to. My one best friend likes my sister more than me and now they are best friends...kind of. I don't socialize well. And I am not a good person. Sometimes I wish that people would just leave me alone. Other times I wish they could see how unhappy I am and that I need somebody..anybody to just listen. I hate being black. I wish I were white. Black people just aren't usually known for being good people. I wished that guys would just pay attention to me. I wish that I could die. I would try suicide but I'm a coward. Growing up in a christian home, well suicide is a sin and I am afraid of going to h***. I wish I could hear God's voice. I wish I was like my sister. Her life is so good. She is so good. Shes a christian and shes in love. Everything works out for her and I truly believe that its because of God. For some reason I can't get that close. For some reason every time I turn back to God I turn away again. I'm not beautiful. I have no common sense. I have a low voice and I am 155lbs. My 'friends' say I don't look it. I just want to sleep all day. Or play on the computer. I wish I could escape myself.Abuse..but its good My step dad as been sexually abusing me since i was 9, im 15 now, and i actually like it. We have s** whenever we can. I think i may be in love with him.