I don't trust people the way I used to. I don't like people the way I used to. I don't care if they are black or white, old or young, male or woman, I don't like people and I have a deep sense of distrust for most people. I am told that all the time. I am suspicious of everyone and their motives now. I mean I owe no one a dam thing not even politeness. I don't want to be friends or nice a lot. I sometimes am very rude to strangers and people and I don't care. when you been abused the way I have to learn to do it back when ever you get the chance to. and learn to doge the arrows as well. I can be rude and its great my parents are so deaf they don't hear and I just act like I never said anything but yeh, that is me. if you don't like it move on. don't mess with me. I have ways and friends in places that can hurt people. even people you love. I done things before and I get others to do my dirty work around the place well, things i don't want to do, put it that way.

Perfection takes a human form I am so irrationaly, increbly, head over heels SMITTEN with a guy i have known for a little more than a year.. he was a complete stranger, working at my local supermarket. The first day i saw him, it was like...poetry. he was poetry in motion. the most perfect human being i have ever seen. a adonis, walking, standing there right infront of me. he was tall, statuesque, incredible. dark chocolate brown hair combed neatly, clashing prfectly with his milky alabaster skin. his eyes, like melting honey. god. it was like, seeing the sun for the first time, dazzling my eyes. and there he was, standing so normally, so casually, compltely unaware of the effect he had on me. i became a frequent customer, going two sometimes three days a week to my little corner store supermarket so i could "shop for groceries". everytime i passed by his section, my legs would trmble with anticipation, i could feel my face flushing bright red. oh, how i longed and looked forward every week to go, if only just for a couple of minutes, to go and catch a mere glimpse of my adonis<3 after a year of going there every week and NEVER even daring to take a long enough look at him that he would notice my gawking much less talked to him, i was chcking out at th cash register completly dumb folded and day dreaming of my adonis, when th girl at the cash registor had to close up. i was next, and in a hurry so i was gathring my stuff ack to my basket when i heard th most beautiful, almost musical voice say "it`s ok..i`ll check you out miss". i looked up into molten honey grazed eyes with flicks of green. he checked my groceries out, and smiled. i, stupid as always kpt my head down.,never looking directly at him.. to make a long confession, not anymore longer, one day i went ack to the grocery store, and he wasnt there. i suspect he either quit, or changed to another littl corner stor around the area. over th course of a year we had rarely spoken, only enough for him to tell me his name. eing the crazy stalker lady i am i lookd up his name on th internet and found him on facebook. i spend months debating whenever to add him or not...untill finally i clicked "send", and less than an hour later he had confirmed my request and was hapilly, nrvously, chatting. he said he rememberd my face. i am now engaged (not to him) and vn though i rarely go on faceook, we somtimes talk. casual things, work, and of the sort. my fingers have itched with th desire to type how much i have adored him afar, how i often thought and dreamed about him. i never have enough courage to hit the "send" button though. oh well..maybe someday..in another time, he will know. untill th i look forward anxiously to the moment where he, my adnois will take a little break from being th most perfect human being on the planet, to spend a couple of minutes exchanging casualties with me.

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