With a crush and at a loss. What the fuck do

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With a crush and at a loss. What the fuck do you when you're a dyke and fall for your mate? Feel like some daft 15-yo-old. Too old for this!

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I'm married to "Janet", a 35 year old Filipina, for 14 years. We have three kids. I'm white, 51, and she's 35.She's very attractive. She gives massages to friends and family fairy often and is so good at it that she makes enough to use for food shopping, etc. without having to work 40 hours a week. She almost always does them in our house, using our guest room for it, sometimes on vacation for relatives we're visiting and nothing weird has ever happened until last weekend. I worked on Saturday and came home early to find her 29 year old cousin, "Annette", in our backyard watching her two kids and our three kids, all are under 12, in our pool. I asked her where "Janet" was and she replied that she was giving her 33 year old husband, "Brian", a massage. She offered me some food and I told her thanks and that I'd eat after saying hello to them. I didn't realize at the time but "Annette" really wanted me to stay outside and eat. I walked down the hall to our guest room, heard music and saw the room was lit by candles, and that the door was slightly open. I started to open it and, without either noticing me at all, saw "Janet" standing to the side of "Brian" as he laid on her massage mat on the bed on his back. She was topless and in her thong underwear and facing towards me. They were engaged in a conversation and "Janet" had been giggling. She was masturbating "Brian" with her right hand and rubbing oil on his chest with her left. I could see a few things right off the bat: 1) "Brian" also had his right hand on my wife's ass tugging at her thong. 2)"Brian" was fondling Janet's tits with his other hand at that moment. 3) "Brian" had a penis like an elephant trunk.It must've been at least 10 inches long and very thick. Then,as my wife was stroking Brian's penis, she looked at him and said "You like?" and he nodded his head. I watched "Janet" lean over and begin performing oral sex on him. Brian then strokes her hair, brushing it away from her face, and I swear he clearly whispered something about "fucking you real good today" and "Janet" going "Ummmm hmmm" with his cock in her mouth. "Janet" took her mouth off his cock for a moment and kissed him on his lips. I swear I heard it. I swear I saw it. I'm positive. Then "Janet" went back to work on Brian's cock and he pulled her thong underwear down. He was caressing her ass and then I swear I saw his hand go between her thighs. Then I clearly heard him say "I wanna see that face while you suck my cock" and he brushed her hair away. I was in such stunned disbelief that I walked out and back to the pool area. I sat down and "Annette" began talking to me but all I could do was respond with head movements or one word answers. She must've known I was rattled. "Brian" and "Janet" have always gotten along well but I never suspected a thing. About 30 minutes later "Janet" and "Brian" came out to the pool area. "Oh hi!" she said and kissed my cheek and began asking me about my day. "Brian" sat down and said "Awesome massage Janet! Thanks!" and began eating. I noticed that "Janet" didn't have her wedding ring on. "Brian" had his on. After they left I confronted "Janet" about it and told her exactly what I saw. Her response was that she "wasn't having sex" with "Brian". She was just doing that to relieve his stress because "Annette" asked her to and was paying her. I was dumbfounded and asked what the hell she was talking about. Janet replied that "Annette" has some sort of vaginal pain issue and sex is extremely painful for her. She hates having sex apparently.Her and "Brian" have been married seven years and he's been getting very frustrated with lack of sex with her. She's worried he'll leave her. Janet says that they both massaged "Brian" one day and she taught "Annette" how to give him a blowjob but "Brian" thinks she's awful at it and prefers "Janet" to give them to him."Janet" told me "Annette don't like to do that for him". My wife claims that "Annette" gives her $50 a week for two massages/blowjobs for her husband. I asked her "Don't you consider that adultery?!?!/!" and "Janet" replied "No, because we're not having sex." and I'm like "A blowjob is sex!!!" and she says over and over "It's not". I asked her if she'd ever had sex with "Brian" and she said no but I informed her that he looked pretty comfortable grabhandling her ass in there and she said "Oh, he just likes to look at that and touch it, we never had sex" and I'm finding it very difficult to believe her. So I went to "Annette" one day and told her that our spouses were having an affair and she breaks down and tells me exactly what my wife told me. She said she was afraid he was going to leave her and it was her idea. When I asked her why she thought "Janet" would do it she said because "She used to do that all the time in Manila" before she came here. My wife was a blowjob girl in a dance hall she tells me. Then she says it's ok with her if he's having sex with "Janet" as long as her & "Brian" stay married. "I don't wanna know what they're doing in there as long as he's happy and still loves me!" she says to me as she is crying. I'm in total shock over this and I'm pretty damned sure "Janet", my wife, is fucking him and I'm the only one angry about it or ashamed.

I'm married to "Janet", a 35 year old Filipina, for 14 years. We have three kids. I'm white, 51, and...

i am very depressed and covering up but feeling so upset in the stomach from hiding the pain.

i am very depressed and covering up but feeling so upset in the stomach from hiding the pain.

today is a new change and I am asking you god to stand before me and fight off the enemy and send the cutest fun clever handsome loving man that will love me and make me feel special. I am sick of hearing all the excuses out of peoples mouths about how relationships are hard as if it would be too hard for me to handle. how dare you imply that, people years ago just fell inlove and got married and lived their life around a relationship and went to church and jobs or education and there was none of this bullshit of today about your worthiness or being ready for a relationship etc and people were happy to go to church and pray and they were encouraged to believe the freedom was there fore them after the war there was hope of change. people today are being brainwashed by liars in therapy books and new age and even bible bashing preachers who don't let love be the answer to young peoples lives. I am sick of hearing how hard their relationships are but yet they are still in them and look pretty happy to me and yet try to convince me I should not want one. why? what is more special about you anyway? and my father once said at my old sisters first wedding "there is nothing sweeter then love" that is the problem today people have forgotten to allow some people to feel sweet and loved, and put price tags on love and labelled quality as crap. I still don't know why the guy I liked said to me the things he did in a meeting hurting my feelings about not having children, then blocked me as if it was some game when I was desperately sick. what is so special about you to have a child and not me, what is so special about you to have a job and education and career then me, why do you love to chase this dollar tag old woman for sex ??? and you say your paid to smile - that is so lame. oh so you like a rich old cow who pays you to smile for dirty old sex and she pops out babies all the time like the cash cow slag she is. drop your crude nude bomb on someone else and not me. cuz I am done giving a dam about you and her and your fake love and all the excuses you put up to avoid loving me and making me feel equal to you. has she been attacked and bashed and ill as often as me? I bet not. and I bet she is not as nice as me either. I was sick with scarlet fever and non-paralising polio and rashes and illnesses and migraines and car accident injuries and rape and stroke and seizures and a disease but you still seem to think she is more deserving of love and your time over me. well i think you are lame and a coward and a weak man and worse then a battery hen with batteries plugged in ya butt hole to make you smile. your a super jerk you are. a real a grade jerk snobby rude arrogant man full of ego I really hope someone bashes you down a few times and all the old creepies that have stopped the nice men loving me. I hope they suffer in hell. like richard I hope he suffers in hell for abusing me. I am sick from old men. I am sick from bullying bitchy women. give me a break god and let in the light please. and protect me from richard and those bald men I dont like. I am trying to find a good side to mustard-ass, I mean he has a good side and cant be completely bad but I did not like him when I met him but I have grown to hate most men cuz most are jerks and dont know how to care for women right. like richard he has not got a clue what my needs are and can not meet them, nor can the phsyio or back surgeon. but that cute-pie ponce from Europe can but will he? does he like me? does the onyg-tam even care or like me or has it been some sick cruel game with him has he been out to torture me is he BPta? why would someone need to put in that much effort to try to harm someone?

today is a new change and I am asking you god to stand before me and fight off the enemy and send th...