I'm pretty sure the fascination with it started as a child. It began with just...

hurting myself, getting in fights. Then it moved onto fantasies. I learned that watching procedural cop shows did something. It isn't watching people get hurt, it isn't hurting people myself. It's watching someone...break. Watching someone completely lose control and become a different person, it does it for me. No one in my life knows this. Not one person. I have kept this hidden because i know it more than likely means I'm fucking insane. I'm not looking for some explanation, I don't need some validation that maybe I'm not the only one. Yes, I did suffer from severe child abuse...


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