Before you downvote me, please please PLEASE let me preface... I am not an ACTIVE...

racist. I do nothing to cause harm, I treat everyone I meet equally (i work retail and most customer interactions go fine), but its the thoughts. The experiences, the hour long ptsd fueled existential crisis everynight before bed as my wife lie there unaware. This is a throwaway for an obvious reason. All i can ask is for my fellow redditors allow me to explain my case and to maybe help me find some better way of thinking.. I need to get this out and there are many points. This will be long, there are many events and key abusive...

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