I don't know what to do I keep hearing it on repeat in my head...

on a loop every waking hour and even asleep I have dreams saying it sometimes. I say it outloud if I spill a drink or stub my foot. I even yelled it once when a guy cut me off in traffic. I was watching a movie and a black person came on screen and I said it without even thinking about it. I went on a date with a really beautiful black woman once and I was holding it in all night. The urge to say it was so powerful it physically pained me. We had sex that night and I moaned...

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