I have a love hate relationship with university. I loved it and hated it. I was lonely, sad, depressed, shy, shut in or closed in as a person, bullied rappantly by teachers, admin staff and class groups, I didn't fit in, I had panic attacks the whole time which often I started skipping tutorials and just going to lectures, huge lecture halls then the panic attacks started there as well after a person attacked me one day while going to university I just was having a quiet little nervous breakdown and no one noticed, no one cared, I don't think I was ever missed, and then when I went to get help I met the wrong person completely who bullied me more, joyce. my sister was bullying me, my friends were, my mum and dad were, my brother was, all my outter distant relatives like aunts, uncles, cousins etc all hated me. I didn't have good friends network that was the worst part, there was no network that stuck by me through thick and thin, I stood by a lot of people in thick and thin and later regreted it. when I needed things no one was there for me.

I have a love hate relationship with university. I loved it and hated it. I was lonely, sad, depressed, shy, shut in or closed in as a person, bullied rappantly by teachers, admin staff and class groups, I didn't fit in, I had panic attacks the whole time which often I started skipping tutorials and just going to lectures, huge lecture halls then the panic attacks started there as well after a person attacked me one day while going to university I just was having a quiet little nervous breakdown and no one noticed, no one cared, I don't think I was ever missed, and then when I went to get help I met the wrong person completely who bullied me more, joyce. my sister was bullying me, my friends were, my mum and dad were, my brother was, all my outter distant relatives like aunts, uncles, cousins etc all hated me. I didn't have good friends network that was the worst part, there was no network that stuck by me through thick and thin, I stood by a lot of people in thick and thin and later regreted it. when I needed things no one was there for me.
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please stop judging me. stop calling me short, fat, and ugly. you guys say OH WHY DIDN'T YOU LOSE WEIGHT EARLIER IF YOU WANTED LOVE AND WORK? WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THIS OR THAT TO PERFECTION? well as if you were any perfection when you were part of the problem stopping me from blooming! LIKE I SAID AGES ON HERE< THAT SONG FROM ICEHOUSE IS ME MY VERSION OF "MY OBSESSION" IS- MY DEPRESSION < MY DEPRESSION IS YOU, THE GHOST OF YOU THAT GETS ME EVERYTIME, WON'T LET GO TIL IT BRINGS ME DOWN, BLA BLA BLA, MY DEPRESSION IS YOU YEH ITS YOU, "that i never do anything and that i should get my lazy ass up. but every time i try to do something, all i receive is criticism and hurtful comments. why do you guys keep bring my confidence down and crushing my self esteem. it hurts so much that i cant even say anything but cry to myself. you guys never agree to the things a like and just throw me aside. when i try to obedient, you guys say im boring. when i try to be nice you guys tell me to stop being a push over. when i be mean or make one small mistake, i suddenly become the world biggest bitch. what is it that you guys want from me!? what can i ever to do to make you guys satisfied? its hurts. i dont want to do anything anymore. i feel so small and suffocated. your my family and yet i have to prepare myself to face hateful comments whenever i want to do or say something. the fact that i have to prepare myself and knowing that i will get bulllshit makes me feel so so so fucking pathetic. all of you are so different from your actions. you all keep saying that i should be grateful bc you are wasting money to raise me. arent you just saying that im a waste? how can i be fucking grateful when i keep getting hurt from your words!?! does that even make sense?!?! should i say yes thank you so much for wasting your precious money to raise a pathetic human being like me!? NO FUCKING NO I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS. I PUT IN SO MUCH EFFORT TO BE GOOD AND OBEDIENT BUT NONE OF YOU ACKNOWLEDGE ME. NONE OF YOU PRAISE OR COMPLEMENT ME. ALL I GET IS FUCKING BULLSHIT OF WHY ARE YOU SO FAT UGLY, NOTHING ABOUT ME EVER GOOD ENOUGH NO MATTER WHAT I STUDY OR DO OR WHATEVER I BEEN DONE, SO I KEEP A LOT SECRET NOW, ONLY SHOW GLIMPSES OF THE REAL ME TO ANYONE. WHY CANT YOU DO ANYTHING LIKE WORTH TO BOTHER. HOW OLD ARE YOU THAT U CANT EVEN DO SOMETHING THAT EASY. YOUR SO SLOW GROW UP. just stop talking. i dont want to hear it anymore. stooping calling me out when you are doing the same thing. plz just stop talking. i wont be able to take it anymore. just stop already.

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