Animal abuse

Up until i was about 17 i used to abuse animals i used to have a cat the i abused and he ran away i killed a hamster once by abuse :( today im 21 years old and i love animals very much i care for them i even have a pet dog that i love I dont believe in god so i dont think ill ever have to pay for my deeds but i do need forgivness even though i will understand if you wount forgive me