Killed a Chicken

doret told me "if you need to use more words then 6 don't even bother to explain to others, let them work out for themselves why you can't or won't do something or left or chose something or someone else", so I did for a number of years.

doret told me "if you need to use more words then 6 don't even bother to explain to others, let them...

Sometimes I hate myself. I hate how I can't function like normal people sometimes because I'm mildly autistic. I hate that I screw things up and people say it's no big deal when it feels like it to me. I hate myself because I feel like I'm failing to meet expectations of those close to me. I hate myself when I don't know how to react sometimes when one of my friends are hurt. I hate myself because sometimes I feel like I don't have any emotions or I simply don't care when I should. And sometimes I hate myself for thinking suicidal thoughts when I have a great family and amazing friends. And sometimes they are the only thing keeping me going. i know i killed her to have him. so what? women do this.

Sometimes I hate myself. I hate how I can't function like normal people sometimes because I'm mildly...

I'm sick of bitches putting fake hope of marriage and motherhood on to me when I've been told its too late for kids for me by the church and gynos. so what is the point of forcing my body to do something it would struggle to do now when I wanted to all that when I was young and healthy? the risk of heart problems and stroke and other hormonal things with my neurological problems hardly makes it worthwhile. I don't understand people who give fake hope to a lost cause. its like whipping a dead horse or expecting to live to 500 or 200. its not likely without a lot of medical advancement and if when I was beautiful I couldn't attract men how can I now older and uglier and boring and I am someone who will not tolerate fools and I have a lot tolerance to everyone and everything really quickly so you don't want to tick me off as I could have the capacity to get violent with men or anyone with all the weight lifting I do and I don't go out of my way to harm others but if you thought I was hard to get on with years ago I am worse now and I am not a nice person to everyone and I don't want to be around losers from my past who I would easily kick. I have dedicated my life to study and myself because no one good enough dedicated themselves to me. and I am not accepting the old shit I accepted years ago that was pushed on me that I didn't like. I wouldn't tolerate richard anymore or ken or another keith or anyone like that, not another michelle or another Sheryl or another maria or relatives or jobs. I have changed and I am grumpy and cranky like my mother, father and sister a lot. Its a bother to be nice to most people when I would like to kick them out of my way even just going shopping. I won't tolerate much now.

I'm sick of bitches putting fake hope of marriage and motherhood on to me when I've been told its to...