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i never put myself out there or flirt if i am thin or fat, but being overweight i didn't put myself out there at parties on the ship i could have because i see myself as disgustingly ugly. i met a really nice doctor on the ship and his partner from russia and they were so nice she was taller then me but blumpy but i see her as exotic with her culture and his culture from another part of the world I can't remember where, but he was perfect and to me i just see this ugly old fat unhappy sad, lonely, no hoper that every one hates and i hate my body deeply. i think most overweight lonely people with illness don't embrace this fat body love crap and fat acceptance stuff. most fat people are deeply unhappy, the only benefit to being fat is, people don't bother you for sex or annoy you when your thin they expect you to hand out sex and smiles and flirts everywhere when your fat they expect you to be unhappy and sad and depressed and quiet and that is my true character, i have been more depressed in my life then anything else even with money or without money. flirting is not my thing. i am very matter of fact and business like with men. i only ever tried flirting for about 1- 2 year zone when i was 3-32 because i was thin. but even as a teen and young woman i never flirted and prefered to study and be alone with my cats and i mean it was clear men didn't like me and all the useless unwanted ugly old men would bother me. now they pick up the fuck off sign i were on my forhead everywhere i go. i am not interested at all til i am the person i want to be then i will let love in. another guy in support group feels the same way, he said "if i have no job then i won't allow myself a relationship and i am the same", it makes people realise you are not gonna just take what comes or sell yourself up or down for just sex. i am not interested in him he is way too old for me. my attitude is no career and no thinness no flirting and no sex and i place a price of currancy on everything about me when it is how i want it then i might flirt, but without a job your a nothing even if thin or family money, or university you're a nothing without a big job. i never paid for any dates with any men. i never made others a slave to me i would say others tried to make me a slave to them and i won't be that. they can be there own slaves. the presumption that anyone expected anything of a loser like ken just shows what a idiot he is. I am fat and ugly as he was then when he raped me and there is no hot young virgin male around for me to rape? and no one especially me, i never asked a spastic old scum to help me, he took. I was thin and single and deserved better only other people couldn't see that. i could see i deserved better, it was other people forcing things i didn't want like fat dog bec and rick and katy and i told police i have every reason to believe ken ken rick and katy and bec and all that group, its likely he knew joyce and william and others. my guess is william got him to rape me as that is the evil sort of person william is. I don't ever want to see him again because i do believe he was the one who caused all this. there was always something evil about that family and still is. i am exactally how others wanted my life to be, i stay in bed all day every day unless i need to go to the doctor or out for something. i don't talk much to people. I avoid a lot of people and i am recluse and shy again just like i was when bill abused me and ron assaulted me, they made me feel ugly. only a ugly girl gets molested by ugly old men. only ugly girls get raped by ugly fat men. only ugly girls get illnesses and only ugly girls get ignored and jobless and have no friends. its like roy sings 'only the lonely, is ugly... only the ugly" !!! and this ugly old witch dog pig faced redhead is not flirting with anyone and is openly rude sometimes if i can get away with it to certain people. i have accepted my lot in life of misery lonlenss and ugliness. only ugly people get abused as kids, or they end up ugly for being abused as kids. that is just nature and life sorting each other out. like when animals dump their young that are deformed, well it will die anyone so the mother rejects it. you have to learn to thing self self self. what is in it for me, how can i benefit from everything. being ugly and abused by ugly is a sign of gods hate for you! that is all the therapy I ever knew.

i never put myself out there or flirt if i am thin or fat, but being overweight i didn't put myself ...

PrideAbuseHate

once you turn 24 its all down hill from there. maybe its earlier now like 19 or 20 some much competition now. you get thrown on a sexual, job and life scrap heap. my parents went through it and so have I. its life's way of kicking you down. like australia post stealing my mail. soon I am ringing the obudsmen to complain. probably my shithouse cousin is behind that out of vendetta just because he abused me as a kid. you can blame joyce , spongybum user bunnypoopeta bunnpoeta the joke of all jokes, i never wanted others knowing my business. his and joyce and ken's and leigh's threats made me do eratic things out of anxeity and phobic fear of being bashed. that is another reason i won't come into relationships. it usually starts and ends with being bashed by some slut dog or deranged male. nope. won't come into it. I laugh at others in relationships cuz you have to ask yourself. "how did that ugly bitch get him or how did that ugly bastard get her" and usually its violence that got them there just like in jobs too. politics all based on violence and threats not popularity. wake up world you sure need to be educated by me to be enlighten!

once you turn 24 its all down hill from there. maybe its earlier now like 19 or 20 some much competi...

PrideAbuseHate

look at them loving themselves and you think.. I know where you are at, that was the loneliness isolated time of my life and no one liked me for my good looks, so how do you think they really are. faking it too! the church told me (we turn to outward ungodly things and sex and lust and looks and body image and sex and money when we are indebt to god in ourselves indebt and redundant and escaping gods truths). and you know you don't want to fall down that hole again! been there and done that and everyone ends up a sucker there. wiser people back off. only maturity and experience can teach you when to say "enough already who gives a dam!"

look at them loving themselves and you think.. I know where you are at, that was the loneliness isol...

PrideAbuseHate