Possibly the worst thing I've ever done

Anyone seen the movie “Flatliners”? As a kid, we teased a girl who later suicided. When I was 12-14, (seventh-eigth grade) there was a girl in our class who was generally unpopular. She was a bit shy and basically quite unattractive. I was also having social problems at the time, and our school was very cliquey - you were either “in” or “out”. I was on the borderline at that point. Anyway, at some point, probably in eigth grade, I made up the nickname “Frieda” for this girl. It was based on the Aussie movie “Puberty Blues” where there is a character called “Frieda the Moll” who is generally disliked but has sex with all the guys. I was being a smart-arse and trying to get myself ahead by treading on those weaker than me, which I know is despicable (there may have been an element of that even in the nickname - when you watch the movie, you feel a lot of sympathy for Frieda and despise those who mock her). Anyway, the most popular girl in the class picked up on the name and encouraged others to tease her with it. I didn’t do much of the teasing, but I certainly was reponsible in having coined the name. At the end of eighth grade the girl left our school. Her brother was in the year below us at our school, and I guess I heard of her now and again. It doesn’t seem she fared that much better socially at her new school. A couple of years later (at the end of tenth grade), we heard that she had jumped off a cliff. Most of us were overseas on a school trip, so we only got the details later when we came back. There were rumours that her Dad always gave her a hard time, calling her ugly and useless and perhaps physically abusing her. I have no way of knowing if that is in the least bit true. Because I was o/s, I missed the funeral etc. and I have always felt that I have at the very least some contributary responsibility to her death. I don’t actually expect forgiveness, as those I need to ask it from are her and her family, and because death is so final, forgiveness is not really an option. I guess I will just always feel terrible about this, and so I should.
20

Next post in 20s

Will redirect automatically

This confession was shared anonymously on i4giveu.com

More from 'Pride' category

i feel so worried i have done the wrong thing all the time. i am always regreting most things i do. i signed up to do some short courses but they are not easy. already i feel broken down and financially busted. i hate the admin course already and how its set up and don't understand it. i have a thing against some courses and i just hope it will be easier then it looks. i like some challenge but not that much challenge that is it impossible to win. oh, and i wondered if they would misunderstand and start up their biker games again. please go away. i am just consern with survival. my body just worries about surviving. my mind just worries about surviving, my heart only worries about surviving. i am not interested in love at all. i am not interested in beauty and marriage. i have no survival to worry about for the rest of my life. so just please go away. no one wants you here. after a near death experience I just don't care about relationships ever again. as much as i want love my family is what matters to me. just survival is all i can't put my mind and body to. don't expect much else out of me. all i want to do now is party and have cruise ship holidays and change my world around. yeh i study but i will never be a someone or anyone. i was put in the tard corner young. i can't make employers want to give me a job or a nice guy to like me. i have given up on that since i turned 25- 34 i was pushed on the scrap heap everywhere more so since turning 40 and i just want to party hard without alcohol or drugs or sex or worry of kids unless i find the right person. i sometimes think about adopting children but i don't have money and like i say "who would want me now?" it doesn't even matter anymore. i gave up all my goals and dreams because others gave up on me too soon, and they didn't return the goodness and well wishes i gave to so many. all i got was shit and insults and bullying and deadwishes on me since a child. i don't forgive so easily over all this.

i feel so worried i have done the wrong thing all the time. i am always regreting most things i do. ...