Sorry Uncle Pennybags, Sorry Mr. Monopoly!

look at them loving themselves and you think.. I know where you are at, that was the loneliness isolated time of my life and no one liked me for my good looks, so how do you think they really are. faking it too! the church told me (we turn to outward ungodly things and sex and lust and looks and body image and sex and money when we are indebt to god in ourselves indebt and redundant and escaping gods truths). and you know you don't want to fall down that hole again! been there and done that and everyone ends up a sucker there. wiser people back off. only maturity and experience can teach you when to say "enough already who gives a dam!"

look at them loving themselves and you think.. I know where you are at, that was the loneliness isol...

look at me ? who would want to go out with me at 46 with no children never been married and so fat and ugly? right. all my ear and health problems and you know what hurt me the most I couldn't even get to thank the nicer ambulance officers that took me to hospital in tears struggling to walk and it felt like I had a helment on my head from the histimines how the effected the membrane around the brain and all the sudifed, I can't believe GP's or doctor in australia would put me in hospital I begged them to but they wouldn't. I got sick of trying to medicate and monitor medications myself and too much sudifed is dangerous and anti-inflammatory. all I wanted was for someone to hold me so I could just cry. they had heart monitors on me every time I went to hospital. now I know why! one day I will tell someone the whole story and they will see how evil and unfair it is and how none of it made sense to a reasonable person. its taught me to never really trust anyone ever again. if joyce and rick and katy and ken wasn't enough abuse and lessons, doctors abusing me has and these neighbors abusing me. butting in on my childhood and illnesses and assaults I have suffered. when you hear the full story it will shock the hell out of anyone.

look at me ? who would want to go out with me at 46 with no children never been married and so fat a...

I cried and said goodbye to my mother and my cat and cried and said "mum I have to go to hospital I can't get out of it this time there are brain injuries now and mastoid mri's and heart and blood tests and all my records went with me. sometimes I just want to find that ambulance guy or the police man I liked. all I really wanted to do was for someone to hold me. inside I was screaming in fear of death. This time at the hospital it will be ok. I can cope better anyway, it will be a while before I see any surgeon. every time I go near that hospital I cry cuz I really thought I would die. my mum couldn't understand why I felt like I was wanting to go to hospital or be near ambulance people but there were times I couldn't breath and then I woke up to something a ambulance officer asked me one night "have you got a uti or has anyone else in the house got uti" I was complaining of constant urination flow and vomiting and pain in the neck when I moved it and one night I couldn't swallow it was extremely painful it took about 30 mins to be able to swallow without water and I literally held my tongue in my front teeth of fear of swallowing it due to the spasm and choking swelling from something. that night I swear I seen some hooded dark ghost in the window of the ambulance I never told anyone but it felt too unreal ever tell a soul.

I cried and said goodbye to my mother and my cat and cried and said "mum I have to go to hospital I ...