Degeneración....

so I have fucked off another surgeon I think I he is a good doctor and surgeon obviously done more study then I could be bothered doing but just upsetting me, so i feel upset because I need to rely on my doctors to be responsible and sensitive to my needs and feelings and health, its a brain thing .... you feel the sinuses (blood veins etc) in your brain going crazy its scary! one day I might even cry about it all the fear I was living in and I hugged this girl who had to have brain surgery she just reminded me of me I could see the fear in her face and I dont think I could cope with brain surgery too quickly if ever, like heart surgery - the aim is to avoid it because prevention is better then the cure.

so I have fucked off another surgeon I think I he is a good doctor and surgeon obviously done more s...

I know I had a stroke on my birthday in 2014 and I had a lot of trouble speaking and breathing the choking fits were driving my mother insane, I was crawlling on the floor choked up and I was patting the woollen blanket over the footstool seriously believing it was my cat, I was so out of it. and I woke to this blackout thing I call it its like suddenly you forget how to breath and I was gagging and I had to hit my mother to wake her and I trying to scream "I can't breath" and I was choking and sluring bombed out and its like I would not give into sleep in fear of dying in my sleep, i felt like I was going into a coma it was scary. I just have vague flashes of the lady on the emergency trying to keep me talking and awake til the ambulance got to the door and it was so awful. I just don't ever want to feel that ever again. it was hell.

I know I had a stroke on my birthday in 2014 and I had a lot of trouble speaking and breathing the c...

I no know that my father must have an amazing degree of self control giving the shit he has gone through, but I have days I am in terror that I lose the plot like friday and told the college to go die and rang the therapist a few times and screaming to them that "someone is trying to kill me and drive me mad I can't take it anymore" and she was like making me stop and breath and then the police came to see me this morning and they don't even frighten me anymore. the young big guys are still the more caring and cuter too.

I no know that my father must have an amazing degree of self control giving the shit he has gone thr...