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I have lustful thoughts about 5 women at work. If any

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I have lustful thoughts about 5 women at work. If any one of them said they want a piece of me, I would jump at the chance although I have been married for over 25 years and love my wife dearly.
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I broke with my ex. Immediately after our break up; we came to know that she was pregnant. I got married with another girl later but never had any love for my ex as she used to fight with me all the tim. I cheated my wife. I didn't tell her about my ex who was pregnant. she keeps asking me about her but cannot reveal her about her pregnancy. I dont want to talk with my wife about anything of my past. But she constantly asks me about it. If I tell her the truth we will have to separate each other and separate kids from us. I dont want to do that. and want to live happily married. But arguments with my wife sometime make me feel that I should tell her the truth. I am confused. i dont want to die.

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My boyfriend and I are pretty much in an amazing relationship. 5 years strong, but not married yet. Marriage isn't the top of my priorities...but... I just dont know why he wont even propose to me yet... all our friends are married, on their way to having families and moving on to bigger and better things... why can't we? He totally has the money to be engaged to me.. and he knows i want a destination wedding, so it will be cheaper than a traditional wedding.. but... still no big question asked to me... I just feel so sad when people asked why i'm not married to him yet. My only reply is I dont know... He does love me, he is committed (we have a house, car, insurance, phone, a dog and cat all together) and it's not like i ever want kids. I hate kids, and that should be a huge plus for him. I don't know why.. maybe he's getting bored of me....

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I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But looking at me you would never know. People are catching on as my life falls apart. I've been living like a quadruple life I guess. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't think of anything I like. I hate everything and everyone. I have no friends left, the women of my life cheated lied and stole the entire time I've known them. Most of my buddies too. Just users you know. I always offer too much and people gladly accept my generosity. I always try and help but it eventually becomes them being entirely dependent on me. Then they go and I've lost so much in them. I never see the fruits of my labours. Now I'm totally alone. And financially ruined. Relying on booze and drugs to feel better about the shitty person I am. I pray to god thanking him only, not asking for more. He still rewards me a lot. Gives me great opportunity and strength to conquer challenges. But I can't conquer myself. I want to end my life. Nobody would notice except the few leeches who still cling to my generosity. Everybody I've helped is doing great. I never took time to take care of myself, or set myself up better. My friends, wife, in laws, girlfriends, and associates have all benefitted greatly from my efforts but I'm fucked mentally physically and financially. I even still protect people after they betray me. Keep their secrets, bend to their requests. I'm going to blow my brains out. I hate this world, it's ruined anyway. Goodby you fucked up people. There's a good chance that there is someone in your life going through this who helped you a lot. I bet you won't even reach out to repay what's owed. Sick fucking society world wide.

I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But loo...

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