Degeneración....

now I have all this wedding stuff I still want to get married, I wanted to get married when I was young, I actually wanted a baby when I was 16 but I knew I had to wait and go learn and work first but I never met the right men at the right time. fuck you dirty bitchy world and dirty bitch god and all the winners. yeh If I had known this was going to happen I would have told that lotto office where to stick their lotto up their assholes. it never served me much. it did nothing to help me really that life wouldn't have but made people hate me. so I can hate rich and clever people back now. I dropped out of university 3 times after each bashing over a unsuccessful relationship attempts and felt so defeated and a failure that men my own age were rejecting me and all these loser old farts I hated were getting in my way - now I just scream at the cunts and bastards to "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY OR I WILL BASH AND KILL YOU"

now I have all this wedding stuff I still want to get married, I wanted to get married when I was yo...

I have never been big on love. I have been in love or had a lot of crushes on different men, but men don't return any emotional exchanges to me even as a teen or young woman people always thought I was younger I looked younger and sounded younger in my voice even now people say you don't sound your age. I tell them well I feel a dam sight older then my age at times the pain I am always in for the last 10 years when I got some weird virus the doctors thought it was whooping cough and then I seem to get a lot of viruses for a while after a bat peed on me at night at work. I knew that was witchcraft abuse. I wouldnt know what love was. it wasn't rick and it wasn't all the weird friends of my sisters husbands either, it was not ken and it was not even frank. I think love is for the rich and lucky and selfish. love is a selfish act, it requires you to only think of yourself and be unware of anyone elses needs, which I was never taught to do. I wish I had been taught to be selfish and conceited young. it would have helped to be taught that and pushy and bitchy and bold, I was too shy to help myself.

I have never been big on love. I have been in love or had a lot of crushes on different men, but men...

most of the men I have liked have been academic university teachers or busines men from overseas or male models I had crushes on, but I make a point of avoiding a lot of people now and I want to meet people I love meeting new people and having friends but I have never had a real friend ever.

most of the men I have liked have been academic university teachers or busines men from overseas or ...