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I have lustful thoughts about 5 women at work. If any

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I have lustful thoughts about 5 women at work. If any one of them said they want a piece of me, I would jump at the chance although I have been married for over 25 years and love my wife dearly.
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I am in my late 30s, married without kids. Around three months or so into my marriage, I fell in love with a co-worker. My husband was clueless, and so was my co-worker. I fell into a depression. I wanted him, not my husband. I felt that I made a very big mistake. Of marrying my husband. My appetite fell, I grew sickly and lost weight. I constantly daydreamed of being with my coworker. I hated his wife. I hated that she had him, while I was stuck in a rut of a marriage. I told my husband that I was just stressed with work. This continued on for two years. Until my co-worker and I were thrown into a project together. He was assigned to our off-shore office out of the country, and while there I began to maneuver my way into his life. I would stay up late to talk to him via skype and viber and mail. I would constantly check with him for work updates, but would also ask how he was and what was he doing. I also began to open up about how I was unhappy with my marriage. Then he told me how he wanted to play a sport, but the wife would not support him. I told him that it was his right to do what ever he wanted, that his wife is being bitchy about it. I volunteered to do things for him, brought him food, little things that I knew he would appreciate. I loved him, I was ready to do anything to get him. Little by little our communication grew. It helped that things were not good with his wife, and I would rejoice every time they would quarrel. I wanted all of him. I was amazed about how I felt about him, our connection. I loved him, and he told me he loved me too. I craved everything about him. In the meantime, I told my husband that I did not love him anymore. He asked me if there was someone else, but I said no. Then early this year, his wife found out. She called me that same day to tell me foul things. I told him that his wife was telling me all those bad things, but he didn't respond. He emailed me later on to say that he loved his wife, and that I was a mistake. That it was never a relationship at the very beginning. Now I am so sad and confused. Did he really love me? Was it ever real? I love him so much it hurts every time I see him at the office. And it hurts more because I couldn't show it in any way, not with my husband constantly watching. I am so sad and depressed. I don't know how long will I be able to play along with pretending all is okay with my husband, when I do not love him anymore. I want him, but he has not communicated with me directly since the affair was found out. I tried to ask him to talk, but he wouldn't. I

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