I always smile when I'm sad. I always laugh when I want to scream and cry. I always talk when I want to be silent. I always act like everything is okay when it's not. I always suck it up and stay strong when all I want to do is give up. I always help others out when I need help the most. I always take care of others instead of myself. I always tell others don't worry it will get better when I do the opposite myself. I always try to make people's days brighter and their thoughts positive while mine are opposite. I always tell people to love themselves and that they are beautiful when I don't believe it to be true about myself. I always tell people that I'm okay when in reality I need help, I need support, I need love, I need happiness. I need to stop and realize that it doesn't matter because I don't believe anyone cares even though I know they do. I always feel alone even though I have loved ones. I always feel depressed when I have so much to be happy about. I always hate myself for doing this on a daily basis. I always find myself in a pit of self loathing and being unable to get out. What am I to this world that I live in? If I feel I'm not worth it even though others do? Why can't I see the beauty that others see? Why can't I see the courage? The happiness? The passion? The hope and love that others see in me? Why do I do this to myself when I could be happier? Why can't I stop doing this to myself? Why can't the voices in my head just shut up and tell me something positive about me for once? Why can't I love myself?