I am bolimic. i've had this dissies since i was 13 or 14 and aside from...

destroying my phisycal condition, mental health and the relationships i have withe many of my surrounding it resulted in me doing the worst things u can possibly imagin. I've stolen money from my parents, first to pay for food i burped minutes later, than just for the fun of it, for the rush. when u have this kind of dissies u begin to fill, love, hate, live only threw food, u don't get any sutisfaction from any thing else. You begin sicking despertly for something to give u this shot of adrenaline. wake u up from your sick routine. I've started stealing from my friend's purses, i stole food they bought for the week knowing they will have nothing left to eat. i stole from shops and markets without even thinking twice and the easier it got for me the more i did it. i begen stealing other things as well. just come inside a shop and grab what's possible. i was realy damn good at it. only busted about twice and never punished, but i know i am lying to my self thinking people aren't aware of my wierd behavior. i always seek being alone, grab food from our joined kitchen (and i'm talking about non human amounts of food. tons and tons) and commit to the action of eating and burping. it can go on for days. i'm afraid to stay alone any more because i can't control my self, i spend so much of my own money too, it's like my entire life are on hold because i can't complete any task or be stopped in any way. it's so damn hard living like that and i'm always afraid, always on the watch, it takes so much time and planning to run this kind of life style. and for what?!for some fucked up vision of beauty? it's a daily weeklymonthly yearly non stopping obssesion with appearence, and yet i hate my self so much. i can't truely make friends and contact people because i have this lie above my head and i'm so lonely even though it seems every thing is cool. every day is abattle and every day i loose. it's a shiity life and i can't seem to do any thing right. i never had sex, even though i've done every thing possible around it. i'm hurting my self just to feel something, even if it's pain and i can't even get a fucking drivers liscence. i'm shit, nothing, i wish i could vanish or just make this dissies go away. i was even commited in a hospital for a few months but it all came back as soon as i was out. so that's it. a liar, a thief, a bitch, a burden and a generly sick and undesirable person. no forgivness possible.

By Anonymous on General,