Definitely a frustrating situation. Because you do care for this child and it's probably pretty painful to watch her self-destruct. And counseling seems like it would be very helpful if she would go. I don't know if it's wrong, but it is sad. But at the same time, this girl is 19 .how is she going to navigate this world if continue to baby her? Does she have other things happening like a drug problem or mental illness? What is normal rebellion for some one her age and normal rebellion for someone who endured molestation? It's almost as if she's constantly testing you. Where is her mother? Does she have any contact? What about her father? Just because she lives in the same house does not mean they have a good relationship? And although you sound like you've done a lot for her, you also yelled at her....so just wondering where you fit in her mind. And you say you taught her right and wrong.. but again were you capable of really dealing with a child with emotional and physical scars? What you have now is a 19 year old angry woman. What needs to happen though may be for her to realize that in order for her to have a happy life and thrive, she needs to be on her own. If she is not going to school, she needs to be working. Since she is an adult the rules are changing and let her know what is expected of her. You also need to talk to her and apologize for yelling and screaming at her. Be the bigger person. And tell her how you would like your relationship to be with her. I'm sure you would like to spend quality time with the person you know she could be. None of these changes will happen overnight, but they may help change what's not working. Because whatever you guys are doing now, is not working.
Definitely a frustrating situation. Because you do care for this child and it's probably pretty painful to watch her self-destruct. And counseling seems like it would be very helpful if she would go. I don't know if it's wrong, but it is sad. But at the same time, this girl is 19 .how is she going to navigate this world if continue to baby her? Does she have other things happening like a drug problem or mental illness? What is normal rebellion for some one her age and normal rebellion for someone who endured molestation? It's almost as if she's constantly testing you. Where is her mother? Does she have any contact? What about her father? Just because she lives in the same house does not mean they have a good relationship? And although you sound like you've done a lot for her, you also yelled at her....so just wondering where you fit in her mind. And you say you taught her right and wrong.. but again were you capable of really dealing with a child with emotional and physical scars? What you have now is a 19 year old angry woman. What needs to happen though may be for her to realize that in order for her to have a happy life and thrive, she needs to be on her own. If she is not going to school, she needs to be working. Since she is an adult the rules are changing and let her know what is expected of her. You also need to talk to her and apologize for yelling and screaming at her. Be the bigger person. And tell her how you would like your relationship to be with her. I'm sure you would like to spend quality time with the person you know she could be. None of these changes will happen overnight, but they may help change what's not working. Because whatever you guys are doing now, is not working.