my neighbors are still abusing me. I don't want to talk about what I experienced other then with someone who is an expert in this but we experienced some strange things like feeling a movement in the bed like a pulse or something, noises, knocking on walls before a family death and light bulbs exploding and a few other things. I don't like to talk about it because I guess I think oh it sounds unbelievable, but when I was sick I did experience some weird events and before and after like anal penetration assaults yet I was a virgin and then I was raped in real life, also dreaming we had won a prize home and then instead my grandfather won some money and we moved to this house. after being at cemeteries as a teen experiencing a sleep ghost event like what they call incubus attacks. I wish I could find a serious spiritual healer who does believe this stuff and not fakers and cons. we have experienced demon and omen like things like almost like someone acting normal then out of the blue as if a demon enters there body and this taxi man was driving me to a graveyard instead of the hospital and I demanded he go another way and called my mum at the hospital and made her come in a taxi to pick me up I was so traumatised by this taxi driver and what he said and did, and other weird things. weird things got worse with my neighbors as well that can't be explained other then they are evil and not good people but even beyond that. I asked a pastor to the house to put a blessing over me and the house after I got better and a few other churches came to see me as well and we were baptised catholic and my mothers father had been in the order of the holy name and my mum in the order of mary's or Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity and I have a strong faith in a higher being we had been church going people and its not any of us were into satanic activities, unless you call laughing at fast forwards brides of Satan comedy, which now I see as blasphemous!

my neighbors are still abusing me. I don't want to talk about what I experienced other then with someone who is an expert in this but we experienced some strange things like feeling a movement in the bed like a pulse or something, noises, knocking on walls before a family death and light bulbs exploding and a few other things. I don't like to talk about it because I guess I think oh it sounds unbelievable, but when I was sick I did experience some weird events and before and after like anal penetration assaults yet I was a virgin and then I was raped in real life, also dreaming we had won a prize home and then instead my grandfather won some money and we moved to this house. after being at cemeteries as a teen experiencing a sleep ghost event like what they call incubus attacks. I wish I could find a serious spiritual healer who does believe this stuff and not fakers and cons. we have experienced demon and omen like things like almost like someone acting normal then out of the blue as if a demon enters there body and this taxi man was driving me to a graveyard instead of the hospital and I demanded he go another way and called my mum at the hospital and made her come in a taxi to pick me up I was so traumatised by this taxi driver and what he said and did, and other weird things. weird things got worse with my neighbors as well that can't be explained other then they are evil and not good people but even beyond that. I asked a pastor to the house to put a blessing over me and the house after I got better and a few other churches came to see me as well and we were baptised catholic and my mothers father had been in the order of the holy name and my mum in the order of mary's or Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity and I have a strong faith in a higher being we had been church going people and its not any of us were into satanic activities, unless you call laughing at fast forwards brides of Satan comedy, which now I see as blasphemous!
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Who ever said u had to enjoy being a parent I'm 24. My son is 5. He's intriguing, speaks at most times well beyond his years. He's funny silly and I often see myself in him. I love him . BUT I F****** HATE being a mom. I can't name one joyous , pleasurable thing about it. I didn't have him for awhile, my mom did. While I was in college and just trying to figure s*** out but guilt used to eat me up like get your kid back. He annoys the s*** out of me. Like I hate doing stuff for him but he's well taken care of. I'm always yelling he doesn't listen and I feel like I'm just stuck doing something I never wanted to do. His dad isn't around that doesn't make the situation any better but it's way past Me being a single parent I just don't see anything praiseworthy about being a mom i absolutely despise it and never want to experience it again . There is something called b ataraxia that I think I relate to or have because I just recently found out about it and if I would have acknowledged the feelings of dislike that I've always had when I thought about having kids maybe I would have aborted him because I'm definitely not against abortion, definitely not. But I didn't and I regret not taking the situation more seriously when I found out I was pregnant I was so nonchalant I look back like you idiot what was wrong with you, you were 19 and found out you were pregnant why didn't you cry! Yell! Get mad!? Anything!!! But I didn't and that's why I'm here now. I wish I had the answer to why I feel this way it could fix it because he didn't ask to be here and sometimes I'm doing OK with it but other times I just shut myself out from everything and it's one of those days or weeks where I feel nothing but regret and sadness because I feel trapped being something I never wanted for myself.

Who ever said u had to enjoy being a parent I'm 24. My son is 5. He's intriguing, speaks at most tim...