terrible dreams about the man who molested me so long ago warning to anyone child abuse- I was molested as a child in the 1970s onwards, and my abuser died and I occasionally when I am stressed I have dreams about him usually him dead and his dead body falling mummy style dead body towards me or his coffin fall of water and I wake up with sheer panic and grossed out sick feelings and him walking around in a air force jacket. Always the pain upsets me and I didn't even want to go out yesterday and I came home sad and in physical pain and what should have been a nice day never is because we are so poor and we can't afford the luxuries others just take for granted. Everyone else on the tour could afford nice restaurant dinners and lunches and golf carts to drive around and shopping for shoes and fashion accessories but we couldn't. I rang someone and I was talking about the physical pain i was in with the breathing problems and the warning on the this milder style chemo treatment says it can cause that. So last night I went to bed early and slept but had a strange dream of being attacked and feeling like my body was shaking and yet I was not able to move when I woke up. I knew it was an incubus attack again. like a soul was leaving and new one came over me. I felt awful or at least strange. I think the tour planner is a complete bitch and does not make the trips inclusive and fun for everyone and she is a brainless twitty-giddy over made up selfish woman who just likes the glitz and glamour of being the organizer and the la-de-da nonsense. I am just so over women over 70 who were too much make up and bright pink lipstick and look like old boilers and think they are teenagers and all they do is spoil everyone else fun with either their loudness and seem so unaware of others struggles other then their glitz and glamour lifestyle and they usually own big houses and many cars and worked all their life and they don't care who has missed out on a thing due to their selfishness in a job of glamour or today they call it flossing, but yeh that is what these terrible women do. they are no fun to be around at all. Its all talk about them, them, them. She made the day awful by not providing times and a map and maybe hiring the golf carts in advance within the fees. She could have dam well provided a decent meal as well for that price. I just feel so ripped off. Because there was not much rainfall the whole experience of the vicarage not much ponds all dried out, sad for the ducks and the views of the day were spoiled by the gusty winds that was ripping up all the dust into our faces and eyes and nose. I think not enough thought is put in to it and we should have stayed there and made a whole day of it there and none of this rushing around town silly stress then waiting for the tour transport to come back was flat out even enjoying a sit down and eat and the cost. We took our own picnic lunch and we only bought a few cups of tea and it just felt so dreadful. Those estates should cater for a barbecue lunch if nothing else or a sit down meal for large tour groups. The organizer just doesn't think about others needs just her and her cronies. Her little club and she is the alpha bitch on board rubbing her shit in and it aint humor. So I am raggard from it all. My dreams are telling me something that the tour group make me feel awful and I don't really want to go anymore. I feel like everyone has a life but me, Everyone has money but me, Everyone has rights but me. This is no life paying out to be treated like crap and I stress over it and it comes out in my dreams. I just wasn't happy with the whole deal yesterday and this is now the 5th day trip I have gone on with this social group and its getting close to my last. They are depressing rich old assholes. I am a lot younger but a lot more disadvantaged with less working life and no marriage and no big bank accounts like them. Social groups don't work for poor abused adults much. everyone is full of bs and la de da flossing around like whores and tarts and dogs and i hate them all really.
terrible dreams about the man who molested me so long ago warning to anyone child abuse- I was molested as a child in the 1970s onwards, and my abuser died and I occasionally when I am stressed I have dreams about him usually him dead and his dead body falling mummy style dead body towards me or his coffin fall of water and I wake up with sheer panic and grossed out sick feelings and him walking around in a air force jacket. Always the pain upsets me and I didn't even want to go out yesterday and I came home sad and in physical pain and what should have been a nice day never is because we are so poor and we can't afford the luxuries others just take for granted. Everyone else on the tour could afford nice restaurant dinners and lunches and golf carts to drive around and shopping for shoes and fashion accessories but we couldn't. I rang someone and I was talking about the physical pain i was in with the breathing problems and the warning on the this milder style chemo treatment says it can cause that. So last night I went to bed early and slept but had a strange dream of being attacked and feeling like my body was shaking and yet I was not able to move when I woke up. I knew it was an incubus attack again. like a soul was leaving and new one came over me. I felt awful or at least strange. I think the tour planner is a complete bitch and does not make the trips inclusive and fun for everyone and she is a brainless twitty-giddy over made up selfish woman who just likes the glitz and glamour of being the organizer and the la-de-da nonsense. I am just so over women over 70 who were too much make up and bright pink lipstick and look like old boilers and think they are teenagers and all they do is spoil everyone else fun with either their loudness and seem so unaware of others struggles other then their glitz and glamour lifestyle and they usually own big houses and many cars and worked all their life and they don't care who has missed out on a thing due to their selfishness in a job of glamour or today they call it flossing, but yeh that is what these terrible women do. they are no fun to be around at all. Its all talk about them, them, them. She made the day awful by not providing times and a map and maybe hiring the golf carts in advance within the fees. She could have dam well provided a decent meal as well for that price. I just feel so ripped off. Because there was not much rainfall the whole experience of the vicarage not much ponds all dried out, sad for the ducks and the views of the day were spoiled by the gusty winds that was ripping up all the dust into our faces and eyes and nose. I think not enough thought is put in to it and we should have stayed there and made a whole day of it there and none of this rushing around town silly stress then waiting for the tour transport to come back was flat out even enjoying a sit down and eat and the cost. We took our own picnic lunch and we only bought a few cups of tea and it just felt so dreadful. Those estates should cater for a barbecue lunch if nothing else or a sit down meal for large tour groups. The organizer just doesn't think about others needs just her and her cronies. Her little club and she is the alpha bitch on board rubbing her shit in and it aint humor. So I am raggard from it all. My dreams are telling me something that the tour group make me feel awful and I don't really want to go anymore. I feel like everyone has a life but me, Everyone has money but me, Everyone has rights but me. This is no life paying out to be treated like crap and I stress over it and it comes out in my dreams. I just wasn't happy with the whole deal yesterday and this is now the 5th day trip I have gone on with this social group and its getting close to my last. They are depressing rich old assholes. I am a lot younger but a lot more disadvantaged with less working life and no marriage and no big bank accounts like them. Social groups don't work for poor abused adults much. everyone is full of bs and la de da flossing around like whores and tarts and dogs and i hate them all really.