Past resurfaced My hubbie and I have been married for 18 years. I'm 40 he is 39. When we got married we eloped to California. We didn't have much money and the job Jay had lined up out there fell through. In an attempt to make some money I answered an ad for an adult lingerie model. Jay was less than happy, but who would see these pics? They were going to be for a European magazine. (Back then no one knew that all this stuff would end up on the internet.) I went to the interview and they offered me $75 to pose in lingerie, but they would bonus me based on what more I was willing to do. At first I took my top off for an extra $50 and then I did full nude for an extra $100. I left with $125 after the agency took their cut. They invited me back in a week to make a video. They said all I would have to do is a strip tease. They said there would be at least 20 girls on the tape and it was also being sold exclusively in Europe. Jay was totally against it. But we were living in a pay by the week motel. California is really expensive and Jay was barely making any money with day labor and stocking shelves at night. I was making a little more waitressing at a breakfast place. We talked about it and agreed that for the $600, we could move back home. Jay said he wanted to be there when they make the video. I called the agency and said I would do it, but my husband wanted to come. I was told no way, they don't allow any outsiders at the filmings, especially boyfriends and husbands. Jay said, he didn't want me to do it then. We had a huge fight, because after 6 months of being nearly homeless I was at my wits end. But I didn't go. About two more months passed and things got worse. Finally I told Jay that I was going to do what I had to, so that we could get out of this situation. Jay agreed, so I called the agency back again. They told me they had a slightly different opportunity that paid, $1500! After the agency got their cut I would walk away with $900 cash. They invited me in to discuss the 'project'. When I got there I was in a room with another woman and a man, the producer and the camera man. The producer said, this pay $1500 for sex with her and pointed to the woman standing there and and extra $500 if you fuck him too. That's $2000 minus your agency fees. I protested, that I am married. The producer said, "I don't have time for this." "Just go" I said "No, no, I've never been with a woman before, but I'll do it just with her." Satisfied the producer said let's get started. Her name was Elisa and she had obviously done this before. We sat on a couch and made out. It was nothing like sex at all. The producer choreographed each step, telling us what to do next. Before I knew it we were naked and giving each other oral sex. The truth is, it turned me on being filmed. Then the producer directed us to go to the bed in the room and for the man to join in. I started to argue that I did not agree, but the producer cut me off, "If you want to waste my time, just go, you're costing me money." I went over to the bed and finished the making the movie. I had sex with both of them and then another solo sex scene with just just the guy, 'Kirk'. After the agency took their cut, I went home with $1150 to a furious husband that I had to confess to. Maybe I should have lied, but I think what upset him most was that I admitted I orgasmed more than once and it turns me on to know I'm in a movie. It was a point of contention for several years and resulted in a marriage counselor. Fast forward all these years. Jays friend Greg, a perpetual bachelor and player. Shows Jay a video he found on a website (X Hamster sp?). Tells Jay, look at this video, it looks Mille your wife. Of course, possed off, Jay later shows it to me and lays in to me on how he is going to have to lie to his friends forever, about that movie. Jay went on to get angrier and tell me, now that he has seen it, he cant get rid of the image of another man fucking me burned in to his mind. Jay won't let it go, but he also wants to have sex all the time now. I'm not really sure I understand this, but I feel like he is afraid to admit that he actually likes the movie and it turns him on. I fear we will be back at the marriage counselor again.

Past resurfaced My hubbie and I have been married for 18 years. I'm 40 he is 39. When we got married we eloped to California. We didn't have much money and the job Jay had lined up out there fell through. In an attempt to make some money I answered an ad for an adult lingerie model. Jay was less than happy, but who would see these pics? They were going to be for a European magazine. (Back then no one knew that all this stuff would end up on the internet.) I went to the interview and they offered me $75 to pose in lingerie, but they would bonus me based on what more I was willing to do. At first I took my top off for an extra $50 and then I did full nude for an extra $100. I left with $125 after the agency took their cut. They invited me back in a week to make a video. They said all I would have to do is a strip tease. They said there would be at least 20 girls on the tape and it was also being sold exclusively in Europe. Jay was totally against it. But we were living in a pay by the week motel. California is really expensive and Jay was barely making any money with day labor and stocking shelves at night. I was making a little more waitressing at a breakfast place. We talked about it and agreed that for the $600, we could move back home. Jay said he wanted to be there when they make the video. I called the agency and said I would do it, but my husband wanted to come. I was told no way, they don't allow any outsiders at the filmings, especially boyfriends and husbands. Jay said, he didn't want me to do it then. We had a huge fight, because after 6 months of being nearly homeless I was at my wits end. But I didn't go. About two more months passed and things got worse. Finally I told Jay that I was going to do what I had to, so that we could get out of this situation. Jay agreed, so I called the agency back again. They told me they had a slightly different opportunity that paid, $1500! After the agency got their cut I would walk away with $900 cash. They invited me in to discuss the 'project'. When I got there I was in a room with another woman and a man, the producer and the camera man. The producer said, this pay $1500 for sex with her and pointed to the woman standing there and and extra $500 if you fuck him too. That's $2000 minus your agency fees. I protested, that I am married. The producer said, "I don't have time for this." "Just go" I said "No, no, I've never been with a woman before, but I'll do it just with her." Satisfied the producer said let's get started. Her name was Elisa and she had obviously done this before. We sat on a couch and made out. It was nothing like sex at all. The producer choreographed each step, telling us what to do next. Before I knew it we were naked and giving each other oral sex. The truth is, it turned me on being filmed. Then the producer directed us to go to the bed in the room and for the man to join in. I started to argue that I did not agree, but the producer cut me off, "If you want to waste my time, just go, you're costing me money." I went over to the bed and finished the making the movie. I had sex with both of them and then another solo sex scene with just just the guy, 'Kirk'. After the agency took their cut, I went home with $1150 to a furious husband that I had to confess to. Maybe I should have lied, but I think what upset him most was that I admitted I orgasmed more than once and it turns me on to know I'm in a movie. It was a point of contention for several years and resulted in a marriage counselor. Fast forward all these years. Jays friend Greg, a perpetual bachelor and player. Shows Jay a video he found on a website (X Hamster sp?). Tells Jay, look at this video, it looks Mille your wife. Of course, possed off, Jay later shows it to me and lays in to me on how he is going to have to lie to his friends forever, about that movie. Jay went on to get angrier and tell me, now that he has seen it, he cant get rid of the image of another man fucking me burned in to his mind. Jay won't let it go, but he also wants to have sex all the time now. I'm not really sure I understand this, but I feel like he is afraid to admit that he actually likes the movie and it turns him on. I fear we will be back at the marriage counselor again.
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When I was in high school my friend and I would spend the night at each others house off and on but just about once a month. One night we were laying in bed after lights out as my dad would announce to us. We were whispering and she asked me if I had ever had an orgasm, I was a little surprised at her question but told her I have many times. I told her that I have only used my fingers or rubbed myself on a pillow. She was curious about that one and asked me how I did it with a pillow. I got up and retrieved one of the pillows off my chair, it was square with little tassels on the corners, they had knots in them which were great to rub on. I positioned myself on my bed with the pillow corner under me and began moving my hips around showing her how I did it. She looked on and asked me if she could try it, she got into position and started gyrating her hips and rocking back and forth and I thought to myself wow I wonder if I look that hot when I do that. We laid back down and the next thing I felt was her hand running across my nipple then tracing around my breast. I just went with it and ran my fingers over her breasts and nipples also, after a few minutes she leaned in and kissed me. She was gentle at first then we got pretty passionate and I was getting really turned on. We stopped for a second and I asked her if she wanted to take off our pajamas. She nodded in approval and then it was really hot feeling her body on mine as we kissed deeply. I made the first move down her body kissing licking her breasts and nipples, when I reached her pubic hair her scent was intoxicating and I could not wait to taste her. My first lick of her was so sweet that I just sank my tongue inside her as deep as I could reach. We made love until we both had a few orgasms then put our pajamas back on and went to sleep, we made love often.

When I was in high school my friend and I would spend the night at each others house off and on but ...

My Boyfriend Has Let Himself Go and Writing Strange Letters to Someone About our Child. My boyfriend and I have been together for 16 years now. When I met him, he had a very unique sense of style тАУ dyed hair, piercings, tattoos, etc. We were 18 at the time and it didnтАЩt at all bother me. As weтАЩve grown older and his goals in life have changed, his style has mellowed out тАУ he took out the nose ring, hair back to his natural color, etc. and I thought I was happy but and he is the big but! behind. To me it showed that we were both maturing and refining our interests but he lives in a hairy world of his own talking on his phone and classes he uploads all day long to his feeds so called teaching. We moved in together years ago and ever since then IтАЩve noticed that he is not taking care of himself. HeтАЩs gaining weight like crazy and his sense of style seems to have regressed deliberately . I get it if itтАЩs just smelly unwashed comfy clothes or PJs, but to me thereтАЩs something odd about a 25-27 year old man (who won't tell me his birthday and real age just around about? why?) not batting an eye at leaving the house in a South Park or Hey Arnold! t-shirt. I feel like at times he has the fashion sense of a middle schooler. But the biggest issue for me: he REFUSES to cut his hair. He hasnтАЩt gotten a haircut in well over two years. His hair is longer than mine and almost reaches mid-back. It is disgusting. No style to it even. He just grows it and grows it. No trims, nothing. It is extremely unattractive to me. we have fizzed out as a relationship goes but for our child. ItтАЩs also gotten to the point where my parents have mentioned it. My grandparents are visiting and my dad gently asked if I thought I could get Jerry to cut his hair and look presentable for our visit with them. Even our child gets teased at school over how he looks. My parents are a little older than most parents of people my age and they believe that, since weтАЩre not yet offically married, my boyfriend should still care about impressing my family and the direction he plans for us and also with a child. Proving that he is someone theyтАЩd want and support spending the rest of his life with our daughter, deep down they protest this relationship. Honestly, I donтАЩt think that is too much to ask. I feel that I always present myself in a respectful but casual and not richie way but socially acceptable in front of his family and I think that my family deserves the same respect, and our relationship needs a lot more work if would survive. That was how I felt last week til I found this email. Now I am devastated and I think we are done. But beyond that, I just wish that heтАЩd have more respect for our child. I truly believe that you should dress/present and behave caringly towards your child and now he is repelling us in a way that represents what do you want to do in life? question, not for what youтАЩre currently about to hear this. Anyway, I know that the major answer is going to be: talk to him about it and just go. So, just to be clear, I have talked to him about this extensively. IтАЩve even told him that I find it hard to feel attracted to him with his grossly unkept oily long scraggy hair. Every time, he calls me shallow and turns the conversation around saying he doesnтАЩt know if he wants to be with someone who cares so much about appearances, but then pushes our child away with excuses and name calling. IтАЩm at my wits end right now. I have specific goals that IтАЩm working towards to build the life I envision myself living. I try to present myself in a at least somewhat adult way while he does not. Having my old boyfriend turn up in contrast at my own work presentations to the sales team has changed so much, so drastically has become a big issue. And clearly he doesnтАЩt care what I think or how his family feel. And apparently itтАЩs the most detestable thing in the world to at all care about physical appearances at all and to be touched by germs and calling us label names that are equal to slimeflsh. Whenever I bring these things up to him he, very defensively, tells me how heтАЩs better than me because he wouldnтАЩt care what I looked like at all, he gets moody on weed and drink piss weak gin and rum with coridal from a bagpipe over his love anything and there is no me in the picture, etc when that habit starts. I have lost any love for him and IтАЩm still very affectionate and loving when he is sober but he is not at all. ItтАЩs the physical part of the lack of our mutual attraction that I just canтАЩt help now and his behavior. And I am thinking more and more about seeing my former workmate that turned up out of nowhere just at the right time to be a shoulder I can lean on. We are bonding closer each day at work and finally I have found someone who listens to my real issues and cares for a change and acts mature. I don't understand why my partner is turning the story around as if I am the strange one with attitude issues. ItтАЩs becoming harder and harder to remain attracted to him, and he simply doesnтАЩt care. He has a female student online friend he sends emails to and this is an extract- I don't want to be near my own daughter, This week, my daughter caught an infectious disease. It's not serious, but it is contagious (though it is uncommon for adults to get it). As a result I don't want to touch her or any of them in the house. But have you tried parenting a 18-year-old without touching her cuz she is so creepy grunge and mothering her and child is hard with well why would i want sex with someone so childish? It's impossible. She doesn't understand what I'm saying when I scream your dirty and "GET YOUR PLAGUE-RIDDEN "shitty shitty bug-bug" HANDS AWAY FROM ME!" Worse, because she's feeling under the so mud-piddled, she wants move love and affection more than normal and so needy. Which has meant a lot of touching and I am so paranoid I can't bare to be near germs and people right now. I haven't died yet from bored rel8tionshit sydrome, but I'll keep you updated as this place is the worst with them around. In the long term, I maintain that parenting will kill me as I parent a spouse as well as a child so they are both shatting kids , by forced exposure? yuk not on anymore, reduce emotional imput and my anxiety is off the wall on weed and piss and sharkshak for you. But, until then, it's going to be a stressful time pLez help me darling." now who the fuck writes this shit when he is so unfit and slothful himself? who is this person and should I leave? and I can't even cry to pity ourselves its just enough to say time to go. any thoughts? I believe he is having an affair and wanted to break up with me for a long time and has done this deliberately and when he gets with her he will change his whole look for her to make me feel that it was who made him feel that way! I need my workmate even if its just to make him see I can move on from him and he won't leave me old and dried out and as ugly as he is.

My Boyfriend Has Let Himself Go and Writing Strange Letters to Someone About our Child. My boyfriend...