sorry that i did that. didn't know at the time there

I am running out of money and am considering going back to work as an escort to pay my bills, and to support my awful habit. I have been sniffing Coke, and also started smoking it again last year. I would work for myself, and not join an agency because they take most of your hard earned money just for getting you clients. I was an escort for years in the past. It wasn't too bad; I do love sex, and always made my clients very happy. I wouldn't recommend this job to anyone because it can fuck with your head and lead to substance abuse and possibly self destruction. I have done it clean before. I worked out of my apartment in a big city. Now I'd have to go to a hotel, or to their house. I'm a little nervous but am not working right now, and am trying to get disability for my bipolar disorder and depression. It's pretty bad. My bf uses heroin and Coke, and sometimes shoots it. He puts me down for smoking it but that's okay?? I don't think so! I haven't paid rent yet this month. I owed my landlord 1400.00 recently, and just paid it off a few weeks ago. My bf lives off of his wife. It's killing me that he's married, although he lives downstairs and doesn't sleep with her anymore. Hes helped me do many things in my life to better myself, but I'm very concerned about our drug problem. I spent sooo much money on stuff this year that it isn't funny. He would be livid if he found out I was escorting, but he isn't paying my damn bills! I can't work on the books due to my disability case. I guess I'll figure it out...

I am running out of money and am considering going back to work as an escort to pay my bills, and to...

I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But looking at me you would never know. People are catching on as my life falls apart. I've been living like a quadruple life I guess. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't think of anything I like. I hate everything and everyone. I have no friends left, the women of my life cheated lied and stole the entire time I've known them. Most of my buddies too. Just users you know. I always offer too much and people gladly accept my generosity. I always try and help but it eventually becomes them being entirely dependent on me. Then they go and I've lost so much in them. I never see the fruits of my labours. Now I'm totally alone. And financially ruined. Relying on booze and drugs to feel better about the shitty person I am. I pray to god thanking him only, not asking for more. He still rewards me a lot. Gives me great opportunity and strength to conquer challenges. But I can't conquer myself. I want to end my life. Nobody would notice except the few leeches who still cling to my generosity. Everybody I've helped is doing great. I never took time to take care of myself, or set myself up better. My friends, wife, in laws, girlfriends, and associates have all benefitted greatly from my efforts but I'm fucked mentally physically and financially. I even still protect people after they betray me. Keep their secrets, bend to their requests. I'm going to blow my brains out. I hate this world, it's ruined anyway. Goodby you fucked up people. There's a good chance that there is someone in your life going through this who helped you a lot. I bet you won't even reach out to repay what's owed. Sick fucking society world wide.

I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But loo...

Too Deep in debt and can't coop I don't know where to start….. I have a lot of shit going on in my head and i can't deal with it. I can't blame anyone only myself it's my fault and responsibility for how I am where I am. I've lost control if everything, money, my life and family. I'm single yet people around me think I should be responsible for the my elderly parents. My mom died going on 2 years soon and left me with my dad with whom I have never had a good relationship with and still do not. He is a burden and very demanding and we don't see eye to eye on most anything. I am the eldest of 4 and my siblings are all tied up with their spouses and children and they tell me they have their own problems. I've pushed myself into debt with credit cards and personal loans that now me bound and i can't even pay. I have no food, it's winter and I can't afford home heating fuel, i can barely keep the electric on. I'm consistently overdrawn on my bank account and the fees are just adding up each month. I have a decent job and can't apply for assistance, I've tried to reach out for help but no one can help me. I've reached out to friends, the one who said they'd always be there but when I even worked up the nerve to ask for just a little money for gas to get to work they tell me they can't help, sorry. I've got creditors calling everyday…. IT'S TOO MUCH AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE!!! I could work up the nerve I would kill myself to end this pain and desperation…. I just want to sleep for ever…..

Too Deep in debt and can't coop I don't know where to start….. I have a lot of shit going on in my...