I spent a lot of time feeling guilt about being a surviver of child sexual abuse who had gained a lot at university and that was like a painful depression started breaking me down as if I had no right to be successful or loved as a victim or survivor of illness or child sexual trauma so I felt I had to punish myself and I met all the wrong people who messed me up just because of this guilt that my life should be worse like all the drug addicts and smokers and alcoholics and so on, just because I had none of those addiction issues as if I was apologising for some how having a survival mechanism in me of how I personally coped with the abuse, my illnesses and then my studying began to suffer I would get way out vomitting episodes to the point now I hate vomiting I will do anything not to vomit. and the fear I had come over me with iv in me and the things this patient was saying I could hear what he was saying was upsetting me. I have had my ups and downs and I am sick of people bullying me. believe me i have bloody well had my downs way too many of them.