parents are not worried about my future .. since the grades i have is not enough to me, I always like them excellant and if I fail a test it makes me feel bad, and get me into any course and that like me failing as they have failed at life and school so much and I pass courses for them... and i want to get into a new course. Told my marks to them ..... they dont have any hope from me ever and the money of paying for it is even harder then passing or getting in on marks alone as only the rich can afford these courses.... i want run away or kill myself but i cant ... i tried cutting my wrist but im so fat that the knife cant even cut through my skin. my mother says im not fit to be taken out anywhere since im obese. my heart breaks whenever they say such things but i ignore them with a sarcastic comment or a joke. but onside it really hurts ,, it hurts so much that i plead to god to kill me ....... i need help .... someone help me please. I tried hitting myself over the head with hammers and I punish myself in ways I can't describe. and god punishes me not allowing me a boyfriend or life of my own or the means to get what I want. I have a complete new set of goals that others don't understand but it doesn't involve a lot of other people. I want to only mix with a limited certain type of person now and not everyone. I don't want to get on with everyone. I am and I want to be a snob. I don't want to even be nice to people as that has been my down fall all my life, I really should have been a arrogant snotty upterdy bitchy self obsessed drama queen infront of a camera on youtube back in my teens who only cared about guys and blonding my hair and nails and being a complete snotty snob bitch to everyone for the fun and sake of it. that is where I went wrong. I was too nice when I should have gone out of my way to be a complete bitch to every person I met. the more haters makes you a higher snob! hurting people makes them remember you and they feel hurt when you deliberately hurt them or do something rude or nasty, so they get this feeling of feeling less then you. I should have been a cuss to everyone instead of getting on with people.
parents are not worried about my future .. since the grades i have is not enough to me, I always like them excellant and if I fail a test it makes me feel bad, and get me into any course and that like me failing as they have failed at life and school so much and I pass courses for them... and i want to get into a new course. Told my marks to them ..... they dont have any hope from me ever and the money of paying for it is even harder then passing or getting in on marks alone as only the rich can afford these courses.... i want run away or kill myself but i cant ... i tried cutting my wrist but im so fat that the knife cant even cut through my skin. my mother says im not fit to be taken out anywhere since im obese. my heart breaks whenever they say such things but i ignore them with a sarcastic comment or a joke. but onside it really hurts ,, it hurts so much that i plead to god to kill me ....... i need help .... someone help me please. I tried hitting myself over the head with hammers and I punish myself in ways I can't describe. and god punishes me not allowing me a boyfriend or life of my own or the means to get what I want. I have a complete new set of goals that others don't understand but it doesn't involve a lot of other people. I want to only mix with a limited certain type of person now and not everyone. I don't want to get on with everyone. I am and I want to be a snob. I don't want to even be nice to people as that has been my down fall all my life, I really should have been a arrogant snotty upterdy bitchy self obsessed drama queen infront of a camera on youtube back in my teens who only cared about guys and blonding my hair and nails and being a complete snotty snob bitch to everyone for the fun and sake of it. that is where I went wrong. I was too nice when I should have gone out of my way to be a complete bitch to every person I met. the more haters makes you a higher snob! hurting people makes them remember you and they feel hurt when you deliberately hurt them or do something rude or nasty, so they get this feeling of feeling less then you. I should have been a cuss to everyone instead of getting on with people.