and its like peoples perceptions - when dr L said to me "what would it take to for you to push me over" I thought he ment he wanted to push me over and kill me, that is how I interpreted it, mum said she took it to me like how far will you go to get tests after tests that say nothing is wrong but you won't believe it. but that is how my mind works i see everyone as a murderer and potential killer and especially men. I think they are all evil and plotting coruption and abuse against me, I feel that way about women also, but its true I thought the ambulance guys would kill me every time I didn't trust them after the 1st visit when I had this rash and had been vomitting and slightest movement of my head I was dizzy in 2010. then I got swine flu or something the doctor thought was whooping cough. the ambulance people were abusive and untrustworthy. evil like killers.