I felt really deprived today with out my 3x 750ml of water before lunch just to go to the eye specialist. who would have thought I would have ended up a complete sot laying in bed drinking down bottles of water all day studying cramming that much study in like a freak? It started with kidney ultrasounds and bloodtests having to drink a lot of water and I have to drink double to everyone else to thin my blood down to get any thing out in a blood test, I just freak out all the time and cry if my viens collapses often and if I get blood takers who are not confident it annoys me, I need ones who are really confident and then I don't feel it as bad. I have to say I do sometimes feel better afterwards with blood tests but I can't cope with just getting out 2 lots so I have wanted to give blood its so important to give blood to the blood bank but I worry about things with my blood. when I had the ear infections it was awful I couldn't drink water and would have to drop supply down and suffer it out and it was painful on my kidneys and I thought I was going to die several times. dying is not an easy thing to do. its scary I hope I die in my sleep when I am old and die quick not slow, the fear drives you nuts. I can't handle the whole thing we just avoid it, I have said I do worry I could die before my mum and worry for my cats to be looked after, but I am a water freak, I can down 7 or more of 750ml water plus tea and other things. I go to the toilet for something to do. but I have been trying to pee out a kidney stone and its shit awful. you have drink lots of lemon or lime. I need ambulance people who know the f what they are doing especially with my chest and heart pain and I am not making things up . I don't understand why it seems to get better when I am around hospital or doctors or heart monitors and then as soon as its gone I am freaking out, I can't stand heart racing and pain or slow heart rate its painful.

I felt really deprived today with out my 3x 750ml of water before lunch just to go to the eye specialist. who would have thought I would have ended up a complete sot laying in bed drinking down bottles of water all day studying cramming that much study in like a freak? It started with kidney ultrasounds and bloodtests having to drink a lot of water and I have to drink double to everyone else to thin my blood down to get any thing out in a blood test, I just freak out all the time and cry if my viens collapses often and if I get blood takers who are not confident it annoys me, I need ones who are really confident and then I don't feel it as bad. I have to say I do sometimes feel better afterwards with blood tests but I can't cope with just getting out 2 lots so I have wanted to give blood its so important to give blood to the blood bank but I worry about things with my blood. when I had the ear infections it was awful I couldn't drink water and would have to drop supply down and suffer it out and it was painful on my kidneys and I thought I was going to die several times. dying is not an easy thing to do. its scary I hope I die in my sleep when I am old and die quick not slow, the fear drives you nuts. I can't handle the whole thing we just avoid it, I have said I do worry I could die before my mum and worry for my cats to be looked after, but I am a water freak, I can down 7 or more of 750ml water plus tea and other things. I go to the toilet for something to do. but I have been trying to pee out a kidney stone and its shit awful. you have drink lots of lemon or lime. I need ambulance people who know the f what they are doing especially with my chest and heart pain and I am not making things up . I don't understand why it seems to get better when I am around hospital or doctors or heart monitors and then as soon as its gone I am freaking out, I can't stand heart racing and pain or slow heart rate its painful.
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More from 'Pride' category

I have learnt to sexually satisfy myself due to bashings and threats of attack most of my life. you learn to live without love and affection. I have somewhat of a sex drive but not much interest in sex with anyone. I stopped having an interested in sex young, at the age of 14 I hated the whole idea other then to have a baby. after years of sexual abuse. these women don't understand why I don't want to learn belly dance or burlesque but my child sexual abuser perpetrator would come up to me as a child in my underwear or pjs and touch me up and get lewid when I was dancing to pop songs and I even now find it hard to enjoy dancing sometimes and pop music, apart from the fact that todays music is complete shit but for a few. but after being pawed at all the time at the age of 5 til 15 I really don't feel a need to make a fool of myself doing compromising acts that I don't feel comfortable doing. I just don't like being sexual much at all. and when I did I was after different men that I could never get my hands on, all I could do was look but not touch, not talk to them other then for work or professional need so or they were young guys at college who just didn't even notice me. young guys with rich parents who didn't like girls like me who were more home maker type women. I always wanted to be a career woman. I thought life would be so different when I got into my teens I was less respected and as you age the worse it gets. I just don't understand it. I didn't want a drunken vomitting elipetic man of 70 groping me as a child and teen. something I can't ever forgive that people who must have known, teacher who must have thought something was wrong did absolutely nothing. how many times I didn't react played possum as they say, or play dead to turn completely cold and frozen so not to be seen causing a scene! making a fool of myself asking for help or wanting to demand the dirty men leave me alone. anyway, I sure as hell will not make a fool of myself doing strip and burleque, I don't even know if I would do that bs for any man I loved its just not me.

I have learnt to sexually satisfy myself due to bashings and threats of attack most of my life. you ...