just feel very down after the group and I knew i would it always happens because i meet rich women with cars and jobs and kids and husbands and their lives always seem better and financially in control more then my sorry ass pity bum life. I can't relate to this fat acceptance society thing. I accept that i might not always be a perfect size or always thin and body changes but i find it insulting to have to go and like all them have little fucker kids and I do not and it makes me have hate for them and I want the world to make leso men out of them - listen that would be funny. I don't want to stripe for them or do a pj wineo party. I don't even want to do cup cake icing or belly dance or share when it looks like i am being judged. like not sure what to make of it. why want to feed us fattening foods? and wine and feel leso? and like love this fat when doctor says no you need to lose it. I mean i would be better buying a diet shake or something else. i do this just to socialize and meet people and this doesn't make sense you have to do this now. and it all costs. i feel like i am being brainwashed and it just doesn't fit in with me. i thought they would keep the poster and let us look at it at the end of the semester and also other stuff like do self drawing and self esteme and laughter therapy and body stance calming techniques and some fun like walks and cards or games or any dance not just belly dance. just dance and sing therapy without it being over sexualised. make some moon mist and crystals chat and talk and learn about women feelings. get into groups of 2 and do some exercises of listening and skills. presenting a talk or our own poster. i hated seeing our poster ripped up. what a waste. what is it supposed to mean. it didn't empower me. are these women nuts? all this just to make friends? I used to think there was easier ways to make friends like church and clubs and community groups, meet ups and everyone turning up at the dance hall or rollercade but we never got 1 invite as teens with other people. i mean i guess they or we are a community group of women but it just all doesn't sit with me. and i don't see me doing all of it. somethings I can skip like dancing and striping and pj wineo. what if i don't want to eat cake or muffins or anything? is social but its therapeutic but its not? so confused have to be careful what I say by the looks of it. and stay away the nights they do crap I don't want to do. dance, sing, laughter therapy and body stance for releasing anxiety I get that but why everything so sexualized i don't mind watching burlesque dance on stage with professionals but I don't want to do it myself. I don't feel comfortable in bikini or swim suit or lingerie around strangers that is just it. like I know who I am in myself so I don't want to do shit like belly dance and strip burlesque its not for me to do. I am a practical person and i don't care to do stuff i don't want to do. bugger others. what does a social group share these days? what is friendship anymore. what the fuck heavens is love anymore and sex? and I don't want raw sex or gay sex. i want romance and someone new. i want the option of income to leave and move around but come back home. if i won lotteries i would not sell out i would have to take sab with me.